Restart

Two Thousand Fart Teen – This is what the boys in my house have dubbed this year.

Oh, 13, 13 was an asshole. I didn’t write much about it because you can only come back to read the same story so many times. I was unstable, a lot. I was setting the same goals over and over and just treading water, never really getting back on top.

It seems like I come around during the summer, then I lose my ground when school starts, then the holidays come and I get homesick and Bam- Im out until about March when the sun starts to come out again. But this summer we went home for two weeks and it was amazing and I fell apart when we came back to Ohio. So my “season” sort of jump started.

What is helping is identifying what my triggers are and my habits when it’s sneaking up on me. I know exactly what I do before the storm now, which is sort of a gift.  This season was vastly better than winter of 2012.

I don’t really know what to do with myself this year. I’ve not really adjusted to having the kids in school and have pretty much shopped my way through the school year so far. I need time alone but find an empty, quiet house to be overwhelming. I have a hard time relaxing and end up panic cleaning or going to sleep.

Last year I was really focused on mental health, this year I need to get my body moving. It needs less diet coke and more water. A major health pit for me is I go-go-go all morning with the kids- then they go to school and I have errands to run and I haven’t had anything to eat,,, I get shaky and nasty and drive thru for a burger.  This happens A Lot- I get to the OMG Im going to DIE if I don’t eat RIGHT NOW.  So, I already have a few bottles of water, Larabars and almonds in the car so I have food handy and I don’t throw my hands up in the drive thru.   Im liking the eight hour diet, where you fast for 16 hours and eat for 8 every day. example I don’t eat until 11 and nothing goes in my belly after 7.  I feel a little more focused with the time restriction and that seems to help with better food choices.

So, yeah- really- this year is exactly like all of the other years. I want to feel well, be well, live well. It would be so much easier if junk food tasted like shit, not chocolate and melty cheese. You know?