This week feels huge around here. School clothes shopping and pre-school orientation, first steps, weaning, and tomorrow Nate is having surgery.

Things are still a little roller-coastery, to be sure but for the most part I am just going with the flow.

Last week I cried the entire hour of my therapy session form complete exhaustion. Ben is 14.5 months old and I was still nursing him up to 3 times per night. I could not take it anymore. Like, officially, not like all of the other times I couldn’t take it anymore. We decided during that session that we had to get the baby weaned. That night I closed the door and didn’t answer his cries, same the next, the third night he slept and has since. As long as I answered him he wanted to eat, it was killing us both.  He was crabby from not getting enough sleep and I was barely hanging on. Last night I fed him for the last time. He bit me a few times and drove me crazy. After he fell asleep I cried for a few minutes and held him close. It was okay, it’s time to move on.

Tomorrow Nate is having a simple surgery on his belly button. He’s had a umbicial hernia since he was born that never corrected itself so they are going to sew the hole in his muscle and give him an innie. He is very upset about this, “I like my sticky-outty!” I do too. We both hate change. He will be okay, I think I will be too. Next week he starts pre-school. We are both super excited. He is so ready to be around other kids and learn things I never thought of. I just can’t wait for him, he will love it.

I’ve been struggling with stress eating, not being able to sleep (my body hasn’t totally adjusted to not being up half the night) and a lot of anxiety.  I plan on dropping Nate off at school and going straight to the gym. Getting there is so hard, getting everyone fed and dressed and out the door is a workout in itself. Since I will already be out of the house I am just going to go. I started the summer 7 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight and managed to gain 5 over the course of the past few months so I have 12 lbs to lose. This makes me sad and angry. I’ve never lived “here” before. I don’t want to either. I had a goal to run 11 miles in November. The clock is ticking loudly. I ran last week and made it a whopping 2.3. LONG way to go.



3 thoughts on “Changes

  1. *HUG*

    I am so happy that you were able to make YOUR decision on when the door needed to be closed so that you could process and deal as you needed to. I hope that it helps things to be easier on you in the future.

  2. I don’t know specifically about baby-related changes, but I know when I’m having anxiety and my depression kicks up it really helps to take a look at what I’m really doing with my time…is it really imperative that I do x, y, and z anymore? I’m a perfectionist so I create my own stress in that way, but I’m sure there are a ton of things that I’ve convinced myself I absolutely need to do that no one else would ever even notice! Anyway, not EXACTLY like weaning your little one 🙂 but I know the feeling of eliminating something that used to be good, but has become a task. Better for both of you.

  3. Dude! You are a rockstar for breastfeeding him for this long! Be glad to get your boobies back! Lots of changes, I don’t like change either. I just had this discussion with Michael today… good or bad change – is still change. Don’t like it, don’t want it. But I find having a routine really works for me. Good luck with the gym, I hope you enjoy going! I’ve been eating paleo and doing really well, am also buying a juicer – maybe I’ll just send an email… heh

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