I wasnt looking for you. I was too busy living my independent life in my little downtown studio apartment with the view of the city and of Mt Rainier, walking to work and going to the gym. I was happy and healthy and life was good. Then I had a message on my answering machine, it was digital! You could hear the messages being left but it didn’t have a tape. I was really moving up. It was Sarah, she was calling from the airport, she’d forgotten to ask me something before she left for Thanksgiving. Would I want to go on this blind date with her boyfriends friend. There was this dance and dinner and it would be a double, not that it would help my anxiety, I’d never met her boyfriend.
I went, I thought you were short, I was so nervous I apologized for wearing such high heels. Then,in an instant, I was shopping for white satin flats to wear with my wedding gown. It had been 3 years since that night but I swear it happened that quickly, that easily. We were madly in love. Time had just flown. It was just so easy.
We flew home a week before the wedding to get everything in order. One of our many errands was to get our marriage licence. I was so nervous, so excited that I got it all so wrong. Filling out that my dad was born in Bellevue, Washington when he was born in Heidelberg Germany. That mom’s maiden name was her (3rd) married name. No matter, seems I could have put Mickey Mouse as my father, they could care less. All they want is some ink on a paper and your $50 and you’re good to go. It was just too easy.
We got dressed, walked down the isle, signed another sheet of paper and it was done. Married. Really? That’s all, we don’t have to do anything more? That was way too easy.
One day we feel that our two is too few. I buy a book, a thermometer and make some copies of a chart and drink lots of wine. A few months later I pee on a stick. That’s it? I get to drink + bow-chica-bow-wow= Baby? Well, this stick says yes, that is indeed enough.
We drive to the hospital. A person is born and they not only let me take it home they sort of require it. They don’t ask if I’ve read any books or if I know where he will sleep or if we even ment to do this, they just wheel you out to the curb. One night, some wine and an escort out. A family. Too easy. Scary easy.
Because we are fools we think, hey! Three is easy! Three is fun! I bet Four would be even better. Wine, chica-bow-wow, pee-stick. BLAM-O! Get fat, waddle around, breathe, push, phew. I’m on the curb waiting for the car to pull around, again. No body asked me if I could do this, if I had a village. They just push the chair waiting for me to vacate. Party of 4. Just like that. This seems like a test, are we doing this right? Why is it so easy?
When I think of the past twelve years often times the details fade away and I am left with this. This highlight reel, this life and its miracles that seem to have fallen in our lap. I am so blessed and so deeply in love. I really can’t believe I get to live it. That this man chose me, that these amazing children call me Mommy. Because when the details fade and I stop and look around I see my family and it seems like it was just too easy.