Censorship

I’ve come back thinking about letting my blog go. Not the first time and I’m sure  not the last but lately I’ve been considering it. Blogging can backfire you see. I am a broadcaster, not much is sacred save for my marriage and all that entails (career,money and sex are probably the only topics I wont share) so I lay it all out right here for the world to read. It is my choice and yet I’ve done it all of these years in spite of it.

There are people in my life that I am not close to, ones that I don’t want to know that I suffer from PPD and GAD,I don’t want them to see pictures of me,my house or my kids.  It’s not their business. This is obviously stupid, it this is a public forum and a blog that you can find on Google and yet I feel that not everyone knows me well enough to be allowed this much info. When I started blogging I worried that it would allow for one-sided relationships. I know little about you, you know everything about me. I worried it would make it too easy for friends to see how I am and we’d no longer need to keep in touch.Then there are old friends both good and bad who I know can look me up at anytime and dive right back in without my knowing. I’m all over the web, my home and boys are on flickr, I tweet a thousand times per day and I’m on facebook which is a little more protected but still, I have put myself out there for the world to see and then I clam up over the very fact that it is all out there.

I’ve decided to carry on. This is me, you are here only if you want to be. I will keep writing about my world no matter how different it is from yours. I will write about my mental health even if it makes you uncomfortable. I will gush about how handsome my kids are even if you think they are ugly and I will show off my target clothes because I think it is rad that I feel cute in bargain duds. I will keep talking about my to-do lists and my never-ending effort to keep a clean house and on occasion when I deem appropriate I will even drop an F bomb. I don’t care if you think I’m lame, or spoiled, or a bitch or if I am embarrassing myself. This is who I am and if you like me great if you don’t that’s okay too. No matter, I’m not going anywhere.  This is my space and I love it here.

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10 thoughts on “Censorship

  1. I have felt the same way. Once I got an email from someone who recognized me in public but didn’t have the guts to come up and say hi. It was so … awkward. It made me take a step back and think that I was over-sharing. Because it’s not like I’m a celebrity or something. I’m a real person.

    But then again? I don’t want to be a person with secrets. I write because it’s an outlet for me and a way to connect with others when I’m stuck in the house with kids. There are definitely things I Do Not Blog About (same as yours). Sure there are lurkers (and my answer to that for now is to just put less photos of myself and my daughter on there). But the friends I’ve made through my blog tip the balance way higher than the other stuff, for now anyway.

    These are important thoughts! Thanks for continuing to share. 🙂

  2. I know I don’t comment as often as I used to but I do still read every update and I’m happy to hear you’re going to keep it up.

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