It is so cold. So very cold. Even with the help of pregnancy insulating me a little I am freezing! The earth is frozen sold or a sloppy mess, the sky is gray. My mood is not. For the first time in years I’m not suffering from SAD.
I’ve not disclosed that I’m still taking my meds; I am. I know this is a calculated risk but one that both my OB and I chose that the benefit of my being well far outweighs the very slight risk this poses to the baby. Judge if you will, but this is what’s right for me. This is making me sort of neurotic over other things, I won’t take my Nexium, I’m most often not treating the headache I’ve suffered from for weeks on end. I am trying not to add anything else to my system. “Tell your D. about your headaches, I’m sure she can give you something!” I am too, but I don’t want it. I’m sticking with mental health over physical. Right now, in spite of the pain, it is what’s right for me.
I’ve been finding so much joy in life. In the day-to-day minutia. I always knew that this was what I wanted; to be home with my kid(s) to teach, to cuddle, to cook for, to create with. To raise. I knew in my head that I should have been happier, I was so right. This is exactly what I want at this stage of our life. It’s exactly as it should be, as I’ve wanted, as my family deserves.
I’m getting increasingly impatient awaiting the upcoming ultrasound. I just want to know! I want to call the baby by name, I want to paint and buy fabric and sew blankets and curtains and get my nest on! The day we learned Nate was Nate was the best day of my pregnancy, I can’t wait to have it again! I know exactly what I am buying first, immediately after that appointment I have a stop to make. One tiny detail in the nursery,tiny in size, giant in meaning.
Every time I feel Olive move my mind is blown. Despite the belly, the change in wardrobe, etc. I am still shocked that this is real. I still can’t wrap my head around it. I’ve been shopping, there are new muslin swaddle blankets perfect for summertime, breastfeeding supplies, clothes we’ve received as gifts, new blankets and a pile of decor items and still, blown away!
Blown away by the new life, there seems to be two of them growing within. My own and that of a baby.