I wrote several weeks ago about leaving me be until now, assume I’m sick until the calendar flips, please don’t ask me to start complaining or I may never stop, also, could you be wearing any more perfume?
It’s January and you know what? I’m good! I’m still a little iffy at times but iffy is a walk in the park compared to where I’ve just been. Oy, this was a rough one and I am glad to see it go. I can still smell everything, and from alarming distances. Certian things get me a bit gaggy like brushing my tounge and I have some pretty serious headaches but I’ll take it. I WILL TAKE IT!
It’s been about a week of wellness at this point and life is returning to normal. We’ve been to the science center and the library and our (my) favorite junk shops and the house is in one piece and it is just so much better. So, much, better. I’ve stopped requiring an insane amount of sleep which is good for all of us as well as the laundry pile. Things are just better. And I am so incredibly grateful.
I’ve also mentioned that I’m not feeling much attachment to the baby yet and this still holds true. I did get a surprise ultrasound this morning at my check up after 15 minutes of no heart rate on the doppler which I somehow managed not to lose my shit while the 3rd person gave it a shot. The baby is great and what a treat it was to see it at this stage (13wks 4 dys) It was all over the place, for now, it has a playground of space in there and it was willing to share all its tricks. (no peak at the goods, though) – I don’t know, I’m not sure I can articulate how I feel but it’s a bit more complex than with the first pregnancy.
With baby #1 I was dreaming of an infant, of having a newborn to hold and nurse and care for its basic needs. With #2 I can’t wait for the baby to hold and to nurse and to care for but I see way past this stage. I have seen and grown with and loved a toddler. A growing kid with a personality and opinions and an identity, not something that I could even relate to when expecting the first time. So, I guess it’s feeling really odd that I’m growing a total stranger when I compare it to my relationship with Nate. I can’t wait to see who we get, make no mistake about that. It’s just really hard to wrap my head around the package, accepting the baby part is easy, but it is blowing my mind that I GET a whole new kid out of this. It’s amazing and I’m so happy and excited and I am just dying to find out what this little Olive has in store for us. I can’t wait.