Org written November 6th.
Right, so, I peed on a stick today and holy shit, we did it. We are having another baby. I wasn’t sure if what I’d been feeling was real or not as so many early pregnancy symptoms are identical to those of PMS but this morning when my temp shot up I knew. I took the test. I was shaking the whole time I was watching the hourglass flash, knowing what to expect, terrified that I expected it. This time is so different, I mean its been 14 hours since I found out but it’s different. This time I know what it takes to get through a pregnancy and infancy but I don’t know what it’s like to do it with a kid in the house who will be almost 3 when the baby arrives. It’s scary.
I was grocery shopping to get ready for the in-laws visit tomorrow and wondered how do I do this with 2 kids? If there is anything that having Nate has taught me it’s that you don’t have to know anything to get it done. I guess I will just get it done. Make it work. Whatever the hell that means.
It’s also different in that while I’m a little scared I’m mostly elated. We waited a while on purpose. I wanted to have that feeling again, the one where you see a baby in public with bare feet and you die! DIE- omg baby feet NOMNOMNOM! I’ve been wanted to kiss baby feet for a while. I’ve been ready for a while, 6 months maybe. Before we had Nate we though we’d space them 2 years apart but when the time came neither of us was feeling it. Eventually we had the conversation to start trying when Nate was 2, if we were ready. It seemed that just deciding did the trick for us both. Boy are we ready.
I hopped out of bed at 5:40am (which is like the middle of the night for me!) and couldn’t even get the test open, I was shaking so badly. I thought it was taking too long, with Nate it popped up “Pregnant” really fast, this time I was just listening to my heart race. But, it did pop up.
“Are you happy?”
I hopped back into bed where we held each other, smiling. Ready for the future, excited. Party of 4. Wow indeed.