An open letter to my son

Dear Nathan,

Oh,my kind sweet beautiful boy, I love you so.  Your wide smile, the way you squeal when I tickle you, nuzzle your head into my shoulder.  You are sucking the life right out of me.

Throwing your blanket out of your crib at nap time and yelling “Ut-OO!” for an hour does not phase me.  I will not come and retrieve said blanket for it is no accident.  This “If I chuck it she will come” experiment of yours is a FAIL.

“Up!”  This word only has one meaning, it means UP.  GAWD how hard is that?  It does not mean down, outside, inside, open or close.  Please make note.

Yes, I do know what you want.  That doesn’t mean you’re going to get it.  Thanks for saying please, though.

While you can walk up and down our block all the live long day; I’m not interested.  You get one hour per day, seriously, it’s all I can do.

Blueberries are good, I get it.  You can sign “more” until bedtime, you’re only getting so much.  Mama only needed one full pint of blueberries diaper to learn this lesson.  Deal with it.

Teeth brushing is a part of life.  It’s not painful or time consuming and yet I’m sure the neighbors think I’m removing your fingernails one by one.  We’ve been doing this twice a day for over a year.  Kindly adjust.

What’s with rinsing your hair?  You will stand under the 100 gallon dumping bucket at the pool but you loose it when we dump a tiny cup over you.   Really?

Oh, and about the “terrible two’s” – Dad and I held a meeting and they will not be welcome here.  Get over thy self.  This falling to the floor and rolling around business is getting you nowhere.  If it feels good then fine but don’t expect me to stick around and watch.

Love you sweetie,


8 thoughts on “An open letter to my son

  1. At least you don’t have pooping in the bathtub. I think Clara says/does almost all the same things, except that she generally says “hug” instead of “up” when she wants me to hold her (she uses up for everything else). That one works on me every time.

  2. God, my kid screams like I am punching him the face whenever I wipe his nose. CHILD, YOUR NOSE IS RUNNING DOWN YOUR SHIRT.

    Also, he purposefully spit food on me yesterday. HE’S SIX MONTHS OLD. I said to him, “when you spit at your mother, you’re done.” Followed closely by, “You eat what I serve or you don’t eat anything.” Oh my god, who am I?

  3. Wow… I wholeheartedly and completely agree.
    The “ut-oo” part made me laugh. We’re fighting that battle too. (Right now she’s sitting on the couch uh-ohing me because she dropped her bead necklace thing over the arm of the couch where she can’t reach.)
    Lately, she’s learning to work the heartstrings when she does something wrong. If you scold her she comes running to you with a teary-eyed “sorry” wanting hugs. It definitely scrambles the brain when you’re trying to be stern and not back down off the rules.
    Does he bang his head when he’s upset? We still haven’t found a solution for that one.

  4. Oh, we just had a “joyous” plane ride where AJU5 would throw something and then immediately ask for it back. And that is no place to do any real discipline so it was a challenge for sure! And wanting more of something – also a challenge. It is really bad when we are out of what she wants and she just doesn’t understand that asking isn’t going to make a difference!

  5. HA! We have the chucking game at bedtime too. I usually retrieve, though, because I’m a sucker. She also found my very weakest spot last night as I laid her in her crib after rocking her: “Mumma! Up! Mo’ rock? MUMMA!”

    Oh, that tore my soul. She got mo’ rocks. 🙂

    (I am the world’s biggest sucker. Nathan would conquer me in 5 minutes.)

  6. Poop in the bathtub. Check
    Throwing things at mommy. Check
    Playing mommy for a sucker. Check
    Walking up and down the driveway (times 2). Check
    Spitting out food. Check

    The cool thing is, kids grow out of these phases. Need an example? Last night, Brody, Evan and I spent 2 hours cuddling on the couch (watching the delightful “herbie goes bananas.” I walked out of the living room and when I walked back in, I was witness to Evan telling Brody “I love you Brody.” GAWD….

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