There I said it.

Okay, listen and listen good.

I stopped into Starbucks this morning on the way to a hair appointment and found myself appalled.  Appalled, people!  I realize that the Suburbs of Ohio sounds gawd awful.  And, that’s fine.  I mean, what is in your head is probably pretty accurate.  Big hair, Mom jeans, crocks on grown women.   It’s bad.  This makes it hard for me, really.  Mainly because I am but a shell of my old fashionable self.  Things happen when you leave your job and stay home with a kid who leaks fluids on you and upends entire bags of goldfish in your formerly clean car.  Life, it happens.  That being said, BUCK THE STEREOTYPE.  Gah!   I’m not perfect, I wear Dansko clogs all winter long.  My sunglasses, while Coach, are 5 years old.   I could do better but damn, at least I try. 

Without further ado:  A Mean Girls  list of what not to wear. 

  1. A toe ring!  I don’t care if your feet are cute or it goes with your outfit.  They are over. 
  2. A sweatsuit of any kid.  If you are not warming up for a honest to goodness track meet you have no business in one!  PERIOD.  2a.  Yes, this includes air travel.  If your jeans are not comfortable to sit in that long, you need a bigger size.  IF you need a bigger size of jeans, seriously, your ass doesn’t look good enough to sport that velor in the first place.
  3. A little black back pack!   These were not “cool” even when they were “in.”  They were dumb then, now you should be embarrassed. I saw two of these today.  TWO!
  4. Stacked heals.  If your shoe is 2 inches thick from toe to heel- let them go.
  5. Spiral Perms.
  6. Tank tops:  If your tank top has a “built in bra” this is by no means a permission slip to go without one!  I don’t care if your barely filling an A cup. Or if you have fake boobs.  Wear a bra!  Always.
  7. Ed Hardy.  Just.Don’t.
  8. If you need hairspray, it may be time for a make under.
  9. Artificial Nails: what a waste of money! Also, gross.
  10. Pale is the new Tan.  Stop Tanning! 
  11. Stripe Highlights.  I was a HUGE fan about 7 years ago.  That is how long it’s been since that look was in.   It’s time to tone it down. (if your highlights look like your wearing a Cat as a Hat, get a new stylist- black hair and yellow clumps are not a good look.)
  12. Glitter.  
  13.  Chipped nail polish. 
  14. Facial Hair.  There is no need to be embarrassed by this- just get some Nair and melt it off!  A salon wax is around $15.  Pick one. 14a. groom your eyebrows.  Your brows frame your face, you can be the poster hanging with thumb tacks or the nice matted frame hanging neatly on the wall.   Do you want to look like a dorm room or a stylish house?
  15. Overalls.  O.M.G. 
  16. Skorts.

I’m not making any of this up, these are all things I have seen recently.  There is no excuse, you can look as cute as you can afford in Central Ohio.  There are great shops, it’s not like there are no options.  And yet, it’s a giant community of what not to wear nominees.    

 Please, add to the list if you have some of your own!

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16 thoughts on “There I said it.

  1. The only things I have done on this list in the past 4 years are the chipped nail polish and the skorts. I have a lavender skort I wear, but it is skirt with shorts underneath – not the flap in the front (which I think look a lot worse!). And the chipped nail polish – just lazy!

    I can understand your reaction to seeing a bunch of ladies dressed like that though. How hard is it to put on a basic bottom (jeans, khaki shorts, etc) and a decent top?

  2. I’m gonna be the oddball (and probably the laughingstock of some of your friends) by saying I thought this was kind of mean. Usually I laugh stuff off but this really just seemed unfair.
    Not everyone has the same sense of style and not everyone has the money at the end of the month to spend on things like their wardrobes. You’d probably die if you saw what I leave the house in, on the rare occasions I get to go out. I agree that there’s little things that people wear/do that seem ridiculous or out of style, and there’s some stuff even I just won’t wear, but for some people there’s bigger things to worry about than what the people in Starbucks are wearing.
    And for the record… For what you probably spent on your Dansko clogs most people can buy a couple weeks’ worth of groceries. Some of us have to.

  3. Well with all do respect Victoria, I think that the main point that you are missing here is that this is Her blog, her corner of the world, no one forces anyone to read it. No one has to agree with everything that people write on their own space, and to call her mean… Infact it is pretty mean of you to come where she bares her soul and to call her out… Just my opinion.

  4. this is brilliant. although i will have to stand up a bit for central ohio. i’m an import myself, but after living here for 10 years it’s obviously a place with some cool factor or i wouldn’t stay. it’s not all country bumpkins with no style. although i think it might be slightly worse out in your burb compared to some of the other c-bus suburbs. i couldn’t agree more with your list; the toe rings and backpack purses in particular. and i’m with heidi….this is your little corner so say what you want. we’re all just the peanuts in the gallery 😉

  5. Heidi:
    With all due respect, I’ve been talking to Christina in the blogs for about two years now and I don’t believe I’ve ever been critical of anything she’s had to say before this one, solitary incident. You’re right, it’s her corner of the world, and I’ve always done my best to be supportive. She knows she’s more than welcome to call me out anytime she feels it’s needed and considering how good I am at sticking my foot in my mouth I’m sure she’s going to have more than ample opportunity in the future.
    All I wanted to do was point out to a sweet person that something she said didn’t reflect her nice personality. She and I have already discussed the issue in private and I’ve already apologized. So before you crawl my hide, take into consideration that you’ve just done the exact same thing to me that I did to Christina, except I’ve already apologized for how harsh I came across. It’s not like I come here all the time with the express purpose of bashing her.
    And of course, once again, I probably sound meaner than I intended to.

  6. Victoria, I know how Christina is because I have known her for 29 years. I stand by what I said. In her post it is labled in the “mean girls” catagory, I just find it distasteful that you would come here and call her out. If you have such a close relationship with her, perhaps next time you should consider sending her a private message.

  7. Ok, I’m a closet blog reader. As a suburban mother in Columbus, Ohio, I was kind of taken aback by your last post! I have lived in alot of places and I think that Columbus is pretty fashion forward for being in the Midwest. Look at all of the fashion and retail companies that are headquartered here. Abercrombie, Express, Victoria’s Secret! Plus, I live here!
    I have to say that up here in Powel/Lewis Center, everyone at my Starbucks is hot and if I see anyone in any type of workout gear, its because they have obsessively been at the gym, working on their rock hard bods. Fab! They are looked at with envy!! Maybe your fashion disasters are solely found in the gleaming metropolis where you live?
    If you think about it, fashion is totally subjective. I have friends that look just as hot in their thrift store duds as others do in their $200 True Religion jeans. And chances are good that if anyone at my Starbucks saw you come in wearing clogs, they’d go home and write about it on their blogs. There I said it! (just kidding!!).

  8. Wow. Hello Trainwreck! I was going to just keep my mouth shut for the sake of friendship, but I kind of agree with Victoria. (Sorry!) When I first read this post (before seeing the comments), I did find it rather off-putting, probably because A) I am from the geographical location being belittled-actually worse, I am a proud West Virginian! and B) especially right now when a lot of people are struggling financially, I just found it a bit insensitive and unnecessary. I know Christina is just being humorous, you are not out to hurt anyone’s feelings, and of course you are free to write whatever you want and think what you want about other people’s wardrobes, but I just felt the need to say I understand where Victoria is coming from and I don’t think she deserves the backlash she is getting for her opinion and response. 😦

    And FWIW Heidi-I disagree that a blog is your private space to say whatever you want without criticism-that’s a diary. People write blogs wanting other people to read it and sometimes that does have consequences.

    Again-SORRY!

  9. Just wanted to point out that most of the things that Christina mentioned in the post were things that have been out for YEARS!!!! Big hair is NOT a financial issue. It is a hairspray issue. Little black back packs are not carried because people are struggling, they are carried because people “think” they look cute. May I also point out that if you are having your hair colored in strips, you have the money to COLOR your hair. If you are tanning, you are paying for that too, right?? And EVERYONE should have bra!!! I am hoping that we all own at least one. And Yes Laura, people are invited to read, but that does not make it any less her blog spot. I really think that this whole thing has been blown WAY out of proportion. I do some of the things that Christina mentioned and I am not offended. I am laughing at myself. So I think that it is time that we all step down from these high horses and realize that this is just funny! Come on ladies!!!

  10. The point is-everyone did not think it was funny. Although I am sure it was unintended (as I said before) I personally felt that the tone came off sounding condescending and snobby. I also said she is free to say whatever she wants but if you are going to dish it out (and lets face it she admittedly dished pretty hard here, even referring to it as “Mean Girls”) you gotta be prepared to take it.

    As far as the financial/sensitivity factor, it DOES take money to keep up with trends and as Victoria was pointing out when you slammed her, some people do have to choose between their appearance or food on the table. I know the women at Christina’s Starbucks were not standing in line at the homeless shelter, but sometimes you just have to consider the broader audience you are reaching as well. Why put people down? It just seems juvenile and petty.

    I come from an area that is economically depressed. A lot of my hometown friends would probably be horrible offenders on Christina’s fashion faux pas list. But they are the nicest people you could meet and it just saddens me that they would be looked down upon and ridiculed by strangers. Maybe I am taking it too seriously but that is the point of view I am coming from.

  11. Wow, apparently when you have a difference of opinions, it entitles you to call your friends names.. I was not aware of that. I also never knew that disagreeing with someone would give you the right to be the judgee? I am sure Laura that you have NEVER gone out and looked sideways at what someone may be wearing right? Because how could you live with yourself? I did not atack Victoria, I said that I did not think that it was appropriate for her to say what she said. If you are going to comment, you have to be prepared for others to reply… Oh wait… isn’t that all your points??? That Christina invited this because she wrote something that apparently struck a nerve?? It seems to me that Victoria is the only one with a valid point on this. For you to come on your friend of 7 years blog and call her condescending, snobby, juvenile and petty, I personally would be re-thinking that friendship. If you will say that to her face, I wonder what you- self proclaimed non-judgmental person will say when she is not around. Classy.

  12. Wow, the comments are a blog in themselves on this one.

    Ditto Melodie on the muffin tops.

    I do have to admit that I’m guilty of crocs. Although in my defense, they’re the mary jane style and with 8+ months pregnant feet, they are saviors. =)

    And now for my 2 cents, because that’s just what I do… the blog made me giggle. Blogs are a spot where you can air the random thought that just went through your head, hoping that someone will find as much enjoyment out of it as you did – at least that’s what mine is for me. Who hasn’t walked past someone and thought, “Really? What voice in your head told you that was a good idea?” It’s not like you specifically named these fashion offenders and posted their photos all over Starbucks. It was a comical post – I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.

  13. This is ridiculous. Let Christina fight her own battles and for the record Heidi, Laura is a classy person. Also, I do feel as though I have a VERY valid point. I live in Columbus and I am a FABULOUS dresser.

    PS. “Judgee” is not a word.

  14. Seriously? This is all such bullshit. This wasn’t a battle- it was a lighthearted post about middle aged women that live in my burb who appear to have given up on looking stylish. I do not live in an area where people cannot afford to take off a toe ring or put on a bra. I do not live in an area where people cannot afford to buy a pair of jeans that don’t come up to their bra.
    I LOVE Columbus. I really do, there are tons of places to shop here , it’s a perfect place for me to raise my boy and I enjoy living in the Midwest. I really cannot believe how out of context this got.

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