Finding Christina

Welcome back to another edition of “Who the hell am I again?”

Oy!  I’m back.  If I’m telling the truth I never really left.   Nothing I’ve tried has turned out to be a fix.  Something is missing, it must be.  Or is it? 

I have made a pretty valiant effort over the last year to keep myself productive, healthy and happy.  I am taking fairly good care of myself, my home, my kid, my marriage and doing what I know to do to stay well.  I’ve come up with tons of projects to fill my time, with the CUYMH and decorating the house and reading and cooking and baking and working to stay in shape.  I’m doing all I know to do.  And here I am, it’s not enough.  I’m still bored 19 seconds after I finish a project.

The thing is.  I’ve always been bored.  I was bored at school and at work.  I get bored while I’m in the car while I’m at the Movies or on Vacation and even while volunteering which is by definition supposed to fill you up.  I get bored really easily.   It’s just part of who I am.  I don’t like it though.  I’ve spent years and years of my life wondering why and what to do about it.  Each time I come up with a plan,  find a new job, rearrange the furniture,  read a new book, get a membership to every kid thing this area has to offer.  And, I do all of the things I set out to fill me up, and then I get bored again. 

Sometimes I really feel like trying to fix it is like pissing into the wind.  However, when I’m here I do come up with ideas and typically follow through even though I eventually get back to the same state of boredom.    Right now though, I’ve got nothing.   My to-do list is a healthy length, my project list is a bit light.  We are not short on activities in this area, Nate and I have a lot to keep us busy.   But still bored.  

Is this just my flaw are are you sort of a bored person too?   Do you embrace it or just go buy a paint by number and hope it helps?  I joked yesterday that I am this close to trying a paint by number.

 

Edit:  I want to mention that I’m not saying I’m at all unhappy.  It’s really the opposite.  I do love my life, that’s sort of what’s bugging me.  How am I happy overall and yet still bored.

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4 thoughts on “Finding Christina

  1. yes, totally bored so often! i think that’s why you and i hit it off so well. we’re both always “on to next” all the time. i think it’s a good quality for the most part because it keeps you moving, but can definitely drive a girl crazy. perhaps we should explore some extreme sports? 🙂

  2. Yup, I get it. I get restless too. I often wish that I had a magically replenishing travel fund so that I could just pick up and GO once in a while and satisfy that restlessness, you know? It’s not dissatisfaction, really, but more an uncomfortable feeling brought on by too much routine over.and.over.

  3. I love paint by number! I also love to read. I have a LOT of free time on my hands now and find myself bored and unmotivated – a deadly combination. When the boys were little I would often feel just as you feel right now. Nothing I could do would ever “fill me up.” It’s the same now… but I’ve learned to ignore it. If I feel bored or lazy, I just go with it. I’ll pick something to go do – and do it. I think you are an active person and you like feeling accomplished.

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