What’s eating you?

I watch a fair amount of Oprah.  Okay, I have a season pass.  So what.    It’s no secret to anyone that she struggles with weight and loves to talk about it.  It’s sort of her “thing”  well that and being a billionaire.

Anytime she has a show about weight she asks the guest what are they really hungry for?  The answer is not cookies or popcorn.  The answer has nothing to do with food.  The guest come out with something missing in their life or some other reason.   They act in these shows like this answer is the golden ticket.  Once you know what you’re hungry for, why you are suppressing emotion, whatever: once you know, you’re cured!  Everything just falls into place.  Right?

Well, I know what I am hungry for.  What is eating me.  I know.  And yet I over eat, over shop, over clean, over pluck my brows.  Over, over, over.   I try and fill the void.   What do you do when you have the answer but the answer doesn’t help.   I throw myself to the bottom of the list when I don’t get enough time with Mike.  When he is working so much that I/we only get to see him for about an hour a day and on a good weekend for a full day.  

So, I know.  I crave time with my husband.  I get lonely, I turn to food.  Am I cured?  HA!   Not even close.  Because what comes next I don’t know.  I can’t fill the space with what I am hungry for.   I can’t have more time right now.   I have to keep on going until mid July when life calms down for a while.

I do what I can, what I know to do.   But I still don’t know how to fix it.   I wish I knew how.   No decorating project, clothes shopping, chocolate bar or day with a girlfriend is a fix.    All of it is great and it keeps me happy and allows my life to have balance but it doesn’t change the fact that after I put my son to bed at night I’m spending the next few hours by myself.    I get it, I know it, but I still go for the ice cream when I’m not actually hungry. 

For me, knowing isn’t the total answer.

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6 thoughts on “What’s eating you?

  1. 😦 This is a hunger I can relate to.
    Unfortunately there’s no quick fix. Sure there seems to be, for Oprah and others like her with money to blow on personal chefs and workout instructors, but for real people like us, all we can do is our best.
    Make the most of your time with him. 🙂 Hopefully, once we get out of this stupid recession, things will lighten up for you guys.

  2. Thanks! I should say that the recession/economy have zero to do with how much Mike works. Luckly, his line of work is fairly removed from the issue. Sadly, no matter what the state of the economy, logging these kind of hours is very typical.
    Which is why I am trying to adjust, this is our lifestlye and has been. I’ve got to learn how to cope without the junk food.

  3. i love that you wrote this post because i think it’s something that a lot of people struggle with – we’re always searching for that one missing piece of the puzzle, and once you figure out what it is…then what?

    i’m the same way as you, in that what i’m “hungry” for is affection and attention and time with my boyfriend. don’t get me wrong – when we’re together, he’s very affectionate and loving, etc., but he also has a job that doesn’t allow him a lot of free time, and he frequently has to work late at the last minute. he also has a small child that he shares custody of and sometimes that can be a last minute situation as well. on top of that, i’ve been in past relationships where it was a constant battle to get the guy to show some affection or a desire to spend time with me (yes, that’s a whole different issue!), so i have a major insecurity in relationships about this particular thing, i.e. always wondering if he really wants to be with me at that moment, etc.

    so…one of the things i’ve found that’s really helped me feel better about the situation is that i told him how i felt about it – that i realize i *need* to spend more time with him than he does with me, and i’m ok with that being a little out of balance as long as when we ARE together, regardless of what we’re doing, that i feel like he really WANTS to be there. basically, i want/need him to be not only physically present but mentally present as well, otherwise i still leave feeling empty. and i think just getting my feelings out of my head helped tremendously! we’ve become pretty good at making sure our time together is “quality” time…i’m learning to adjust to the quantity vs. quality factor, and he is making the effort to let me know that he’s thinking about me or looking forward to spending time with me.

    i guess what i’m getting at is this: does your husband know how you feel? i know for me, it’s very easy to become whiney and complain-ey and nag him about it rather than really express what i’m feeling…not to make him feel bad or guilty or anything like that, but just to communicate about it.

    don’t know if my ramblings are a help or not 🙂

  4. ya wanna know what i’m hungry for? FOOD! i just love it too much. that and i get lazy about grocery shopping and preparing meals. it’s easier to pop a frozen pizza in the oven than to wash lettuce, cut up veggies, cook up a chicken breast, etc. i’m sure there’s something else more “deep seeded” but for now, i’m going with FOOD as my answer 😉

  5. Yeah Carrie. Food is a part of it. Just loving to eat in general, and loving to bake as well. Having the food in the house….

    Auntie: Mike knows exactly how I feel. This has been an issue with us since the beginning. I’m just sort of needy I guess. We meet in undergrad and he was pretty busy. Then when we moved to NC and he started graduate school it was horrible. Now he works as much as he did when he was in School- Which is hard. I think I was always holding my breath that we’d “be finished” at some point. So yes, he knows. And you are 100% correct with the quailty of the time we do have. I have to pull my head out from time to time and stop pouting or I will waste the time we do have.

  6. Ok, I do not have any insight to your specific situation, but I too have done this whole Oprah/Bob Greene exercise to figure out the “root” too. I am hungry for appreciation. For someone to thank me and tell me what a great job I have done running our home and family and raising our children. When no one tells me, or I have to drag it out of them, I reward myself with cookies, chocolate, wine, etc. Yes, that is the root. And I agree, WHAT NOW? I know, I am supposed to reward myself in other ways but the pantry is convenient and the cookies are good, and wine stops headaches after a day full of noise! K, I am no help am I?

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