I watch a fair amount of Oprah. Okay, I have a season pass. So what. It’s no secret to anyone that she struggles with weight and loves to talk about it. It’s sort of her “thing” well that and being a billionaire.
Anytime she has a show about weight she asks the guest what are they really hungry for? The answer is not cookies or popcorn. The answer has nothing to do with food. The guest come out with something missing in their life or some other reason. They act in these shows like this answer is the golden ticket. Once you know what you’re hungry for, why you are suppressing emotion, whatever: once you know, you’re cured! Everything just falls into place. Right?
Well, I know what I am hungry for. What is eating me. I know. And yet I over eat, over shop, over clean, over pluck my brows. Over, over, over. I try and fill the void. What do you do when you have the answer but the answer doesn’t help. I throw myself to the bottom of the list when I don’t get enough time with Mike. When he is working so much that I/we only get to see him for about an hour a day and on a good weekend for a full day.
So, I know. I crave time with my husband. I get lonely, I turn to food. Am I cured? HA! Not even close. Because what comes next I don’t know. I can’t fill the space with what I am hungry for. I can’t have more time right now. I have to keep on going until mid July when life calms down for a while.
I do what I can, what I know to do. But I still don’t know how to fix it. I wish I knew how. No decorating project, clothes shopping, chocolate bar or day with a girlfriend is a fix. All of it is great and it keeps me happy and allows my life to have balance but it doesn’t change the fact that after I put my son to bed at night I’m spending the next few hours by myself. I get it, I know it, but I still go for the ice cream when I’m not actually hungry.
For me, knowing isn’t the total answer.