A man and a woman had a little baby,
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family,
And that’s a magic number.*
I don’t know exactly when I started wondering if Nate would be an only child. If it was during pregnancy, if it was in the 7th week of his life when I thought I couldn’t go on. Or, if it was when he turned out to be such an amazing person that I never wanted to share him, or split my time with another baby. I know when I wonder now, though. That’s easy.
I am often impatient, crabby and far from perfect in this motherhood gig. There are many things I can take blame for. Many things I worry about now and things I have no idea how I will handle later. I think that Mike and are great parents for Nathan, though. We do our best and accept that our best is different from day to day. But, I wonder if we should do it again.
Anything in life worth doing takes risk, I know that, we all know that. But there is risk. Will we get another healthy baby, can I swing it with two kids, and on and on. Add to all of the what ifs that it is going to take the economy a very long time to recover and yikes, can we afford another kid? I don’t mean diapers and small things like that but another person that will need braces, vision correction, a car, college tuition and probably room and board.
I remember hearing one of my parents say after the surprise of baby #4 that if you wait to have kids until you can afford them you never will. Is the responsible thing to do in that situation to never? Do you deny a child a sibling to afford them fancy vacations or private schools? Which is the sacrifice, what would Nate want if he could tell me. A playmate (even it its a PINK one) or a picture of the magic 3 in Europe. That sounds so superficial- so I tell myself to relax, Mike is in the third year of his career. Our journey has just begun. And, we can decide when we are ready not because this was the month in our original plan to try for another.
I don’t know. I think that we will have another baby, eventually. But right now our small family is perfect for me. We are happy as 3. On a day is as great as this one, or even one that’s really hard it seems much easier to keep moving forward than it would be to start over. Which brings us back to risk.
*School House Rock