Three, that’s a magic number

A man and a woman had a little baby,
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family,
And that’s a magic number.*

I don’t know exactly when I started wondering if Nate would be an only child.  If it was during pregnancy, if it was in the 7th week of his life when I thought I couldn’t go on.  Or, if it was when he turned out to be such an amazing person that I never wanted to share him, or split my time with another baby.  I know when I wonder now, though.  That’s easy. 

I am often impatient, crabby and far from perfect in this motherhood gig.  There are many things I can take blame for.    Many things I worry about now and things I have no idea how I will handle later.  I think that Mike and are great parents for Nathan, though.  We do our best and accept that our best is different from day to day.    But,  I wonder if we should do it again. 

Anything in life worth doing takes risk, I know that, we all know that.  But there is risk.    Will we get another healthy baby, can I swing it with two kids, and on and on.   Add to all of the what ifs that it is going to take the economy a very long time to recover and yikes, can we afford another kid?  I don’t mean diapers and small things like that but another person that will need braces, vision correction,  a car,  college tuition and probably room and board. 

I remember hearing one of my parents say after the surprise of baby #4 that if you wait to have kids until you can afford them you never will.   Is the responsible thing to do in that situation to never?  Do you deny a child a sibling  to afford them fancy vacations or private schools?  Which is the sacrifice, what would Nate want if he could tell me.  A playmate (even it its a PINK one) or a picture of the magic 3 in Europe.  That sounds so superficial- so I tell myself to relax, Mike is in the third year of his career.  Our journey has just begun.  And, we can decide when we are ready not because this was the month in our original plan to try for another.

I don’t know. I think that we will have another baby, eventually.  But right now our small family is perfect for me.  We are happy as 3.  On a day is as great as this one, or even one that’s really hard it seems much easier to keep moving forward than it would be to start over.   Which brings us back to risk.

*School House Rock


12 thoughts on “Three, that’s a magic number

  1. As an only child, the best thing I did for my 1st was have a 2nd. They are such buddies, even for being a boy and a girl and being 3 1/2 years apart. But they truly love each other and I see them being great friends for the rest of their lives. They are as different as night and day! 2 is good for us. Neither of us really really want more. Yep, they are expensive. Yep, there’s more chaos. Yep, there’s more fights and craziness. But there’s more love, it’s not split at all.

  2. There are so many reasons I only want one, and I can’t accurately articulate them because I so fear I’ll insult all the wonderful mothers who have two or more. But it’s such a personal choice, you know? And in my heart, I think I could be very happy with just one.

    I will say that nothing (NOTHING) has made me reconsider my stance than feeling this boy move inside me. It really does crush me to think of never having that again next week. But then I think about throwing up on myself and nine months without alcohol, and I feel a little better about our “one and done” position.

  3. I find your title a bit ironic today. I read it and thought huh.. but for VERY different reasons! You are thinking 3 as a whole and my mind is wondering to 3 being MY magic number of children! I think that they beauty in life is that it is your own and so are your desisions. You and Mike will decide what is best for you, and once you have, there will not be any question in your choice becuase it will be right for you. I think that once you know your answer, you will no longer have these questions…. no?

  4. We too, are a family of 3. We both have one sibling, both of whom we have very little interaction with, not for lack of trying. So, that really wasn’t a selling point for us to have more than one. It was decided early on that Noodle would be the one and only so that we could give her the world.

    For the most part she is content being the one and only. She will be 13 in a few weeks and it is only now that we are doubting our decision. Not because she isn’t everything we ever wanted, and the coolest kid ever, but because what are we going to do with ourselves when she is old enough to leave home in 5 short years.

  5. I think we each have something in us telling us how many we want. That may change with time, but it is different for all of us. We want two. There is a small chance we might go for three, but that is the absolute limit. We have friends with 5 – she wants more and he is done. I can’t fathom having 5, but she loves it. I am just glad my husband and I agree on how many we want!

  6. three is my favorite number 😉

    my sister and i are just over four years apart and are best friends so in case you’re concerned about a big age gap, don’t be. siblings will either be close or not, regardless of how many years are between them.

  7. Ok I have PILES of pink clothes that are building up in my very small house that I refuse to give away because I want them for you. So you know my feelings. That said, I’ve only ever wanted one and feel confident (most the time) with that decision.

  8. Wow, I can’t really relate to this one. I never imagined having only one. But after one, I did say “Damn this is hard. Maybe 2 is good. Not 3 or 4.” HAHA! I am actually going thru the same kind of pros and cons though, deciding on #3. I feel like its the financial/practical versus the emotional. I drive myself crazy thinking about it. I know we will be happy either way though, sounds like you feel the same.

  9. Where the heck is this coming from? Have you been watching Jon & Kate plus 8? This post tells me that we can put you in the “i’m not ready yet” category. Which is TOTALLY fine. I will point out that my best friend in high school was an only child and she was THE most spoiled, hardest person to deal with EVAH!

  10. I think you just know if one is right or if you want more. For me, going through the newborn thing again scares me because it was a difficult time for me and I remember at the time thinking “OMG I don’t know if I could do this again”. One of the biggest reasons that I want another one is so that Nate will have a sibling to grow up with. I can’t imagine my life without my brother and sister. Of course I have a good relationship with them, if not I might think otherwise. Tough choices. I’m sure if it’s right or when you guys will know.

  11. You have to decide what is right for Nate. But I think that you should keep in mind ( and I know you have ) your love for your sisters. That’s what made my decision final. I battled with those same thoughts and fears. After my dad passed, I realized that my brother meant more to me than just someone else that I loved. He is a source of strength and encouragement. …Landyn loves her sister more than I ever thought a three year old could. Lee and I have came to the realization that sacrifices are more important at this time in our life. I cant tell you and Mike what to do of course. You guys are in charge of your lives and you know what you want out of it.

    I sort of agree with Melodie…maybe youre just just not ready yet. Landyn was over two when we got pregnant again, and I still almost “lost my lunch” when I took the P test. Were we doing the right thing? Of course you know the out come and the answer to that question.

    We’re not sure how we will educate, buy cars, pay for insurance, and afford cell phones/flare guns for two girls, but their needs will be met. People have made it work with a whole lot less than we have.

    I hope that I gave you another aspect from which to think of things.

    On another note….I sure miss you. ..of course you know that too. xoxoxo

  12. It is definitely a personal thing. Just because others think that you must have more than one doesn’t mean it’s right for you. I will tell you, because I struggled with this as well as I was dealing a VERY strong-willed 2 year old, that having 2 is wonderful. I really wondered if I could do it again, but thankfully they are very different (which is not a surprise), and there are few things sweeter than seeing your 2 kids together.

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