Mike and I have gone shopping a little in the last few days and I am totally stuck in a rut. I was bitchingmentioned the other day that I miss shopping and looking cute. I miss what was a huge part of my identity and of my lifestyle. I know. Christina you are so shallow! There are more important things. Dude, I know. And yet, here I am.
It all started with the 2nd pink line. Wait, no it didn’t. It all started when I took the job in Columbus, the job I hated, the job where I was told on my first day I was overdressed, on my second day that I was not allowed to wear sandals, or heels and certainly not both in one shoe. That job had me carrying my ID in my lunch bag and leaving my Coach bag at home. I hated that job. Then I got pregnant, a promotion at the hated job that was better and allowed me to wear sandals, and then my body started changing. When I had to start dressing that hot mess I didn’t know I was kissing my style goodbye. I didn’t realize that staying home would put such a challenge on that part of who I am.
I was in a store today, an old favorite. As we waked in I turned to Mike and said “I don’t belong here anymore.” He smiled and looked at me like I was (am) crazy. I was looking at the beautiful clothes while he and Nate were looking in the men’s section and I was so sad. All of these clothes begging to be worn. Me wanting to take them all home. But why? I have no where to wear them. I don’t want to go back to work, at all. Why do I want to dress like it? What is it that is pulling me (constantly) in the direction of work clothes? They don’t suit my life. Which brings me to my point. What does?
I don’t know how to dress cute for this job. Some days I feel like I get it right, not over dressed, good accessories, appropriate shoes. The rest of the days I just stand in my closet in my under ware and say to myself “I have nothing to wear for this job.” This job, this job is feeding and changing and playing on the floor and trips to the grocery store and to have the oil changed and vacuuming the house and cooking dinner and folding the laundry and walking the dog. What am I supposed to wear for this job? Jeans and t-shirts and sometimes khakis and t shirts. Not fun, not me, not happy.
I am on a new mission. I am going to find a way to mix what I loved about 9-5 Christina and turn it into 24/7 Christina. I have been putting so much energy into staying true to myself and I am now realizing that this a piece of the puzzle that was kicked under the couch. Now that I have it I have to figure out where it fits. I know how to dress, I know how to accessorize. I have to learn how to do casual, and in a way that I feel like me. The one positive that has come out of this so far is I am more brave with my color pairings now that I don’t have an office full of eyeballs on me. I will wear red shoes with an aqua shirt, or a green or mix purple and yellow and pink and green- fun combos that I wouldn’t have had the guts to do before. So, there is that! In the mean time I will be watching a lot of Clinton and Stacy and looking out for any SAHM’s they are dressing. Too bad that $5k visa card wasn’t under the couch with this damn puzzle piece.
Oh and BTW: I’m totally growing my hair out.
Edit: I have spent the morning going through my closet and tossing lots of things as well as trying stuff on. I am looking at my old work clothes in a new way, trying to figure out how to dress things down or how to make them cuter with accessories. My next step will be to have some of my pants altered so I can wear them with more sensible shoes. This will expand my options a lot.