We are getting to know each other by now, yes? Been hanging around long enough to spot the over reacting a mile away. So, you know then you can never be too rich, too thin, or too far down on the table. Right, then. Moving on.
I ordered my brides maid dress this morning. I tried on all of my dresses last night trying to get a grasp for what size I may need to try on. The sizes I own from David’s are 2 and a 6 (which I never ended up wearing (10 wks preg at date of wedding- could not stop barfing my guts out! Sorry Stacy) TG cause it was gigantic- I am sure it is at least a 8 or 10- CONSPIRACY!) The 2 fit from the waist down, but couldn’t zip around the chest, the 6 was too big in the torso but also did not zip all the way up. The dresses I wore for my wedding parties all fit, all j.crew, all 4p. Once at the store I asked for a 2-8. The lady was really cool about it. I was all prepared for the “but the booooooobs they are not mine!” speech. Any hoo. The 4 fit. It is a little tight up top and a little big overall but it is fine. So not worthy of my freak out I had a few days ago- I have no idea about the bra issue at this point. The dress is not structured enough to really hold them in so I have to figure something out. But, I will. It will need hemming, so I will have to address that too. But again, so not that big of a deal.
This brings me to my next issue. I have always had pretty deeply seeded issues with my figure. Most of my adult life I have never been happy with it. Constantly gaining and loosing the same 5 lbs. Something about having a baby has helped me to not be so dang hard on myself. I do wish I looked better, firmer here, smaller there but overall I’m not as caught up as I used to be. I watch what I eat and make healthy choices most of the time, we go for walks a few times a week and I make sure to stay as active as I can during the day. I think that not working is helping, too. I’m not eating out of boredom or because someone brought in a platter of whatever,or getting take out for lunch now and then or stopping at Starbucks a few times per week. Adding the activity and cutting out the garbage and most likely the nursing has helped me thin out. I put on the dress I wore for my bridal shower and it fits, it fits better than it did when I wore it for the party. I don’t know if that is why I’m not beating myself up as much as I used to or maybe having the baby changed my perspective enough that I just sort of changed with out noticing and that’s gotten me to where I am now. I don’t know. What I do know is I am doing better, I know I am not cured since I still poke and squish at myself but I hope this is the start to a healthy self image. We’ll see. It’s ridiculous that I had to gain and loose 52 lbs to get a stinking grip. Sheesh!