Subtext

While enjoying some free time last night I was flipping through the current Cookie.  I love this magazine, it is full of good articles, amazing clothes and accessories for both Mom and kids and it also has some design aspects to it.  The thing is, while I enjoy it I totally do not fit the demographic.   A few months back it had “what to wear to the playground”  for Moms.  Trench coats, flats and premium denim and great handbags.  I think the least expensive trench was some where in the neighborhood of $600.  I’ve been known to pay 3 digits for Jeans and handbags now and then but this was what to wear to the PLAYGROUND!   Don’t even get me started on the family vacation suggestions,  French Chalet anyone?

It has a way of getting me all excited with its ads, too.   Last night I fell in love with a little beaded bracelet.  “Perfect for Mom” it promises.  I go to the website today, $1295.  For a friggin bracelet, and it’s cute, it’s everyday with the watch looking, not fancy at all.  Honestly, I’m going to take the ad with me to Michael’s, I think I can make it myself!  And, it could be a fun project that doesn’t involve a scrapbook.

Anyway, in honor of Fathers Day this month they had a few pages devoted to what makes a great Dad.  #54 is he understands subtext  and has entire page of examples.  Some are a stretch, others were right on and hilarious.  Here are some worth plagiarizing.

What she says:

“I know, I hear the baby. I’m getting up”

What she means:

“I’m not actually getting up. I’m dramatically propping myself up on my elbows and waiting for you to pre-empt my getting up with your getting up”

What she says:

“How was your day?”

What she means:

“How was my day.”

What she says:

“I can’t believe Dave interrupted you like that in a meeting.  Were you able to report on your numbers overseas?”

What she means:

“Fill out camp forms, get stain out of jacket before work tomorrow, call Lucy’s doctor about eczema, take pork out of freezer…”

What she says:

“Have you seen my keys?”

What she means:

“Get up and look for my keys because if you don’t, I’ll be circling you on the couch, complaining about how my life is out of control, until I find them.”

What she says:

“No.  Really.  I like the goatee.”

What she means:

“Take a guess.”

What she says:

“Could you please pass the salt.”

What she means:

“My life is a prison! I’m overwhelmed and overworked! Why do I have to keep track of everything? Can’t anyone ever take care of me?”

What she says:

“Do you want to order in tonight?”

What she means:

“Run me a bath and bring me a bottle of Advil.  Then take the kids out for pizza and don’t come back until Friday.”

Mike gets my meaning, most of the time.  When he doesn’t, I don’t mince my words I will tell him what I need or want.  He asked me a while back if I was “trying to drop a hint?”  “No, hints are lost on you, they do not get me what I want.”  He raised his eyebrow as if to say, good point. Still, men are clueless and hilarious and SO easy to make fun of.   That being said, we are pretty confusing, speaking this language of ours expecting them to have their secret decoder ring ready for the translation.  Poor guys.

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6 thoughts on “Subtext

  1. It really is easier to just say what you want with men, because it surely is frustrating when you try to “drop hints” that they don’t ever pick up on!

  2. I think that it is more frusterating to just say what you want and for them to act like you have an arm growing out of your mouth then it is to drop a hint and hope they get it! At least I can blame myself if he dosen’t pick up on it… But if I OUTRIGHT say, I need you to fix the toilet (that has been broken for a week and a half now) I would not get the satisfaction of b9tching all the way up the stairs with the kids everytime they need to go.

  3. Poor guys??? Are you kidding? I used to think dropping hints was cute and flirty… now I realize it is only cute and flirty to me. I have to be direct – or else I am disappointed. My idea of a hint is dropping an anvil on his head ala’ Wile E Coyote.

  4. Too funny. Yeah I’m pretty over the subtext thing. I like to get right to the heart of the matter, as in “I hear crying, you go get him”.

  5. I’m sure some of the women that fit the Cookie Demographic (great mag BTW, but I agree, a bit out of whack with most people’s reality at times) have more time for subtext. When you have a housekeeper, gardener, pool boy, nanny or regular babysitter you have the time to mess around and be subtle. Me, not so much so I am forced into the direct route!

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