Retail Therapy

I know you can go shopping after the birth of a child.  Target does not close it’s doors to you because you are a new parent.  This however has not altered my baby related shopping list in any way!   I have stuff on that list of must haves prior to D-day that I won’t need for a while, such as orajel.  The kid won’t come out teething so why will I not rest until it is in the nursery, ready for the first toothache?   I’m coming up with the answers as I type this.  The half of it is I want this baby to “seem” affordable to Mike. (HAHAHA!!) If I stock up on all of this stuff in advance (read, while I’m still employed) it will hardly be noticed.  Another part is I just want to be prepared, I don’t want the baby to wake up with a fever and not have medicine (check: 2 kinds one aspirin one non) a little planning and a good list can prevent it!  You all know I love a good list! At this point in the game, a lot of the list is stuff I will need.  Gross, postpartum, everything is leaking stuff.   The baby stuff is mostly boring, more diapers, towels, white t-shirts and socks. Nothing that exciting, the only big thing to get is his infant car seat, headrest and a mirror.  I’m sure that completing this list will be several hundred dollars with all of the stuff we really do need now in addition to stuff for later but it all seems equally necessary to have it all, right now.  I think I am trying to purchase some new motherhood comfort, and I can’t wait to have no list at all. I just want to be stocked and ready.

This weekend we are off to Cleveland for what will be our last trip as a couple.  We are going to the Rock n’ Roll hall of fame and to an Indians Game. We will eat out a ton, stroll around downtown and say farewell to life, as we know it.  Cleveland isn’t exactly a destination for a babymoon but hey, it’s still time together away from real life.  So what if it’s a great lake and not the Caribbean?  Well let’s not go there but the point is this is it! Our last time to stay in bed too late and order room service, our last time to do what ever we want with out toting all of the kid stuff or calling the in-laws every 2 hours to make sure everyone is okay.  

Maybe I’m obsessed with this list because it’s the easy stuff? You can get “ready” by shopping a bit but nothing makes you ready to say a half good-bye to the lifestyle and freedom you love. No matter how excited you are for change you can’t know what it’s really going to be like.  No store will sell you the promise that the life you’ve created and the life you’re living will seamlessly mesh.  If only I could get that in the dollar spot!


The Boot

It’s been a wired week at work.  I’m 6.5 weeks from my departure and already people are in my office with tape measures and their xm radio testing for a signal.  The person who is getting my space is out in the open now so he is understandably excited (but dude I still work here!)  to have 4 of his very own walls… granted I have no window and my view from here is of the men’s toilet and I don’t mean the rest room, I mean the toilet is looking right at me.  It’s awesome.

I just recently had the conversation about not returning after having the baby.   They asked me to tell them my decision this month and apparently they had a strong feeling that I was out since during that time they mentioned that my replacement is in the wings, just in case. A guy who worked here for 2 weeks a few years ago in customer service.  Now I’m hearing through the grapevine that my replacement is Tim , he will be here next week.  NEXT WEEK?  There are several things about this sentence that are interesting to me.  One, I wasn’t aware that a single person outside of the boss’ knew I was leaving.  Two, random employees are telling me that I am to start training him as early as Tuesday.   Third, how on earth am I supposed to keep a trainee and myself busy for 6 weeks?  None of this makes me happy or comfortable.   I don’t want to be the one to tell poor new guy Tim that this office will not be his, that another employee called “dibs.”   I have also heard that Tim has no experience.  I don’t think I have told you all what I do, have I?  I’m a vendor correspondent for a HVAC distributor.  My job has a lot of hats.  The biggest and most important hat?  Accounts Payable, for 4 locations.  Tim has no AP experience (hearsay but its all I have right now) which maybe you can get by in a small company but not one that answers to The Man- i.e. corporate on a daily basis who are also watching your every move.  This worries me, he had better have some serious checkbook balancing skillz or we are in trouble.  I’m afraid that he may not even know how to use an adding machine. I’m sure that I will have a conversation about all of this soon.  Maybe not.   This wouldn’t be the first time I have showed up at work and found someone new (HI Ashley- I swear we totally thought Charles was kidding when he said he hired a new girl!) and that worked out.   I’m also holding out for good news regarding his ability to learn this stuff.  This could make or break the rest of my time here.  I’m also a bit concerned that they may suggest that I wrap it up before my official last day.  If this guy catches on we should be good to go in about week.  It won’t be hard to tell they are paying two people to do one job.  I would love to leave sooner but I want my pay.  I just have to wait and see how it all plays out.

8 Months

Last Thursday we made the drive to NC in 9 hours with plenty of annoying completely avoidable drama.  If your driving somewhere with a stretch of parkway that includes toll’s.  Count your change before you leave!  My word, we stopped at 5 consecutive exits looking for an ATM machine for ONE dollar, we were $1 short and it took a nice chunk of time for us to get that buck.  We did make it and my back did surprisingly well.  It was a fairly comfortable drive from the passenger seat since Mike did all of the driving the entire trip.   The weekend was perfect! I saw my long lost hairdresser, oh how I have missed her!  I finally have a good hair cut, even if it did remove my oh-so handy built in back fat cover up. We saw our family of friends and the baby shower was awesome!  We had a great turn out and a lot of fun catching up with everyone and receiving so many heart felt well wishes.  It was everything I hoped the trip would be.  We are so lucky to have so many people care about us; I guess having a baby helps you to realize that.  The generosity humbles me.  People who love you equal one well-dressed baby!  I can’t wait to share the photos of Nugget in his new clothes! If I can get my self to the basement fairly easily after he is born you all are going to tire of baby pictures!  

This week I had two Dr appts.  One PT, one OB.  Physical therapy was good; we didn’t do much in the way of actual therapy while I was there.  I was measured and had lots of hands on bone stuff and flexibility checking. Basically I lie on the table while she put my body in all sorts of contortions.  What she found was the left side of my pelvis is out of whack.  It should be facing the right and parallel, it is not it’s at a harsh angle and pointed toward the floor.  This is resulting in my lower tailbone pain; the side that is out of alignment is throwing my back off and causing it to curve.  I have a handful of exercises and stretches to do daily as I try and encourage it back into place.  None of it is painful or hard it actually seems too easy.  I go back once a week for a check and to decide if any new moves need added.   It’s been a few days and I don’t feel a difference yet.   The back exercise is good though, it helps the aching so I have been doing more of those than she recommended because it feels good.  Hopefully that will be okay?

My OB appointment was with a Mid Wife this time.  I love her; she is whom I want at the receiving end of this deal when the day comes. (I can’t choose, I will get who is on call)   We talked about the big day and what I’m in for, and I told her about hoping to go natural.  She was so supportive and encouraging I wanted to hug her.  We discussed the need for more support during labor as a result of this and I asked about nurse shift changes, the dr not coming until its time to catch the baby, etc.  She told me a few things I didn’t know, one being that unless I have a scheduled c-section I wont see any of the Obs from our office.  I will have one midwife from the beginning thru birth, and they will be more available than a dr or a nurse.  That was great to hear as I had been wondering if hiring a Doula was necessary.  I know it couldn’t’t hurt but I feel better knowing that I will have a midwife when I need her.  I do know that while Mike will be there to hold my hand I will want someone who knows what is going on there for me too.   The checkup part was great as well.  As usual Nugget was anti heart rate.  I have the same nurse check me in each week and she knows me by my stubborn boy!  This time took longer than usual but she made sure she got a real count this week since my last 2 appointments have been on the guestimate side.   My BP is still good, up another 2 lbs; fundus height was 32 (while she was trying to measure me, he stuck his butt way up and created a mound- she pushed him down – he popped back up- this kid does not want to be messed with!) (I am in so much trouble!)   While feeling him she mentioned that he seems small, not unhealthy just not a big baby.  I hope she is right but from the looks of me I don’t know.  It was a great visit.  I never expected to enjoy my check ups but the staff at this office just rock!  If I can take this level of comfort with me into delivery I think I will be in a really good mindset.  

I wish there was a way to get Mike ready, he is pretty nervous.  I think the class will help me but I think it’s going to scare the pants off him.  I told him that we will watch real births; he asked if he can leave the room.   He is a strong guy, not a wimp or one that can’t stand the sight of blood but this isn’t a day in the Red Cross blood mobile.  Neither of us knows how he is going to do, but as long as he is there to hold my hand I don’t care which side of the equator he is on.  I do hope that he can see past the anatomy and find the beauty in something visually disturbing.    

Work has been good/okay.  I had the big talk with my boss about not returning and when my last day will be (birth not withstanding) Oct. 12.  A few days before my due date of the 17th but I’m sure I will loose focus by then.  My replacement should be here before that so there is no reason for me to hobble in here any longer than I have too.  I’m so excited about leaving I may make a chain!  35 days.  35 days is fantastic but even more so is I only have 2 more month-ends to survive!  I will not miss that!  Actually, I would really have to think to come up with anything I will miss.  Pretty good sign that I’m making the right decision.

stay tuned

I know I’m slacking lately with updating!  I have plenty to talk about but I have been very busy, am going to bed pretty early again, and just haven’t taken the time to sit here and put it all together.  I will  get an update done soon, complete with a 8 month belly shot… my midwife told me today ‘You look no where near 32 weeks, such a petite belly.”  WHOA- what?  and ummm, thanks!

Anyway, I am fine, Nugget is fantastic.. I’ve just been a touch off my game.   Will be back soon.

The Elephant, she never forgets

I was thinking today of some of the hilarious things that Mike has said since the coming of Nugget.  Here are just a few that I remember, verbatim.

The night we took the pregnancy test.  As excited as we both are we still have the deer in the headlight look on our faces.  He says. “This is a LOT bigger deal than just getting married, you can get out of that.”

At the breakfast table, just an hour out from our first ultrasound.  I’m beside myself with excitement.  He smiles and looks over at me.  “Big day today, first day of March Madness” I reply, “yeah that and getting to see your unborn first child!”  “Well yeah, that too.”

This past weekend in the car.  We are talking about how exciting it will be to see what the baby looks like.  “He’s cute, I already know it,” I tell him.  He replies, ” I just can’t picture what he will look like part you part me I can’t put it together”. “He’s cute, trust me” Mike: “I hope so, for all we know he could be ass ugly.”

The update that didn’t

Nothing is going on around here.  At all.  Just me, waddling to and fro, to fridge, fro bathroom.   Really, even I’m bored.  I have read that there is a “boring phase” to pregnancy and this is it.    We are mostly ready for Nugget but we have to wait, it’s sort of like being at the DMV. You’ve set the alarm for early Saturday to get there as it opens, hoping to avoid the rush.  You arrive and pull # 465,879 and they are currently serving  # 8.  I’ve settled into my hard plastic seat for the long haul.  At least my reward for this will be better than a new license with a gawd awful picture.

My first physical therapy appointment is Monday morning.  I was a little put off by the idea of needed therapy, am I that bad at being pregnant?  Maybe but I have great health insurance so I’m going to take any help offered and not worry about it.   I am looking forward to it now.   It is perfect timing too.  We head to NC later this week and unlike our last visit, we are driving so I should be good and messed up come Monday morning after a 8 hour trip the day before, add sleeping in a different bed 3 nights running.   I am very excited about the trip.  The drive, not so much.  We would fly but after my last shower getting the loot home in a suitcase was a gigantic challenge so having our car just makes the most since.  

I really can’t wait to see everyone!  Our last trip was really fast and this one will be too but the party will allow us to spend much more time together.  Plus, it’s going to be the last time I see most of them for a really long time.  I don’t know when we will go back once the baby is here and with many of them having their own kids they can just drop everything to come see us either.  I plan on making this trip count!  To try and take it all in and enjoy every moment with them and see if we cant squeeze in a few hush puppies and if I’m really lucky, fried green tomatoes! I think driving away this time will feel even more final that it did last September, not so much a so long for now but more of goodbye.   That hurts all over again…..

30 Weeks

We are moving right along.  I love going for my checkups but today’s was especially great.  I only gained 2 lbs!   For those keeping track, at this stage the baby gains approx. half a pound per week so that puts me at about a 1 lb gain and that could easily be the fluid in my feet.  Seriously, being 7.5 months along during a heat wave? Not pretty!   Dr even checked my feet without my mentioning them while asking how I’m doing with it. Fine really, it is hot but its not NC hot.  Everything is still checking out perfectly.  I got my results of my glucose tolerance test and it was normal, I don’t know why I worry so much.  My blood pressure is great 100/60 so no sign of any trouble there.  Nugget’s measurement was a little off, he was at 32 (2 centimeters over) but because of his position the Dr said it didn’t count, he was sort of cockeyed not up and down so that throws it off a bit. She tried to move him a little and as soon as she stopped he went right back to where he was.  She just put her hands on her hips and said, “Look at that!”  Yes, he’s stubborn I told her.  He is totally over having his heart rate checked, last time he kicked the Doppler off, today he just kept moving away from it, I don’t know if they are really getting a good reading at this point but we can hear it and he’s so active he is clearly fine. He could be a little too much like me, easily annoyed.  If his own heartbeat gets on his nerves…   He is probably going to be a stinker; he is proving time and time again that he won’t be told what to do (hmm, also like Mom) (YIKES!).   I am awaiting a call from a prenatal physical therapist. My hip and back are officially a problem, no longer just a minor inconvenience.  She said it will help a bit but also reminded me that as he grows it will worsen so it’s best to start working with it now to try and keep it bearable.  I hope I can start right away any relief will be welcome. I can deal and for the frillion’th time, it is worth it! Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m still beaming with happiness.
So now for the fun stuff. This is us tonight… umm WOW! Im suprised at this one, I see myself everyday but this puts it in a new light.

Nuggets Room!  I’m so in love with it, all of his bedding just came tonight and I could not wait to get it put together.  I may call in sick tomorrow and just stare at it all.  These pictures are all perfectly centered, this format keeps chopping the right side off! 

Not pictured..I have the initial of Nuggets actual first Name on the floor- it normally hangs between the windows- it is white- and totally cute!  Aren’t I a brat? 

Here is the somewhat organized half of his closet that I also think is cute, but I have issues!  I guess I just love that we are getting there in terms of stuff we need and things to entertain him with.

I mentioned that Im on the lookout for a Halloween outfit or costume.  Can you even imagine how pissed off my kid would be if I put him in this at 1-2 weeks old?  I wont but HOW CUTE!

That’s it… hope you’ve not had it up to here with all these baby updates.

One Track Mind

I have been doing really well for about a two months keeping myself busy with non baby related tasks around the house, reading books with characters not just weekly pregnancy updates and not being all baby all the time.  Yeah, that’s over!

It’s all I am thinking about, namely this little guys exit! I have been thinking of his actual birth, the pain and my desire to endure the process without the assistance of an epidural.  I wonder if I am kidding myself and will find that I am not as strong as I hope to be.  If I choose to use it, if the pain is too great will I be disappointed in myself, will my experience be less than I hoped for?  Am I just an idiot?  I wouldn’t get a filling without Novocain yet I’m contemplating pushing a person out of me with out so much as a Tylenol?  I think of my ability to breast feed and have been having dreams that these giant knockers are going to fail me, and my son. Dreams of bizarre happenings where I break my jaw during labor and am unable to eat and am scribbling on a chalk board demanding that my Dr administer a feeding tube, I’ll be dammed if this is going to hurt my milk supply. So, I guess the worry is creeping in.  Each of these I have limited control over, its really up to my body to do what it was created to do, I want to trust that it can handle both but I still over think it all.  I suppose this is somewhat normal when you’re about to do this for the first time. That and you tend to beat dead horses whenever given the chance.  I hope that the classes we will attend help some of the anxiety work itself out.

In-between all of the fretting I’m full, so full of excitement that I wear myself out.  I look over my list of what we still need to buy and where to buy it (its all picked out, of course!) almost every day, as if I don’t have it memorized!  I go into his room and take a deep breath of the baby lotion.  I rock in his chair reading him books.  I talk to him all the time, asking him what is he doing in there and how many friends did he invite over today as he seems to have more than 2 arms and 2 legs!   I tell him that his doggie knows he’s coming; he is on to us both.  I laugh when I can’t reach something and tell him he’s already changing my life.  I dropped a pad of (small) post its and couldn’t find it, I stood up and it fell out, he is already hiding my stuff!  I think of holding him for the first time wrapped up like a little burrito, all puffy and pink and not looking like either of us yet just brand new and mine. I look for a Halloween outfit or costume everywhere I go so he is ready for the neighborhood trick or treat and we can show him off to the neighbors, how big will he be; will he even fit in newborn yet?  He knows his Daddy’s voice now, squirming as if he’s trying to get closer to catch every word.  I think about the two of them together and can’t compose myself with the pictures that appear in my mind, the look that will be in his eyes wearing that smile that lights up his whole face when he holds him on his birthday!  I think about the time of day he will arrive and hope it’s a decent hour and we can call everyone right away to announce him, I daydream of saying he’s here and his name is, and he looks like. Everything I do, everyday he’s here with me, in my body yes, but in my head and my heart.  I already love him more than I ever imagined.

I’m done trying to distract myself and find other things to do.  Now its time to sit back, rest a bit and keep dreaming of what it will be like when is on the outside and we learn to become a family.  All the while telling him we can’t wait to meet him. 

Just my Luck

I make a point not to talk smack about Mike but this is different!  When you send your husband away on business you don’t consider that one of the lectures he is going to attend over the course of his trip is on WEIGHT GAIN DURING PREGNANCY! *  Come on! Just what I need is an expert in the house.  He told me at my 9 week appt when I came into the room and announced that I was up a total of 7 lbs “you know the American pediatrics blah-d-blah recommends you gain 5 or less in your first trimester” (Where on earth did he learn that?) Heavy sigh!  Now don’t get the wrong idea.  He does not say a word to me when I’m eating ice cream or get fries instead of a salad.  When I do whine about the weight he calmly reminds me I’m pregnant and look good.  So he’s not my pregnancy hall monitor by any means.  However, just because he’s sweet and supportive does not mean I want him so damn educated!    He knows how much I have gained but now he’s aware of how much is “okay” to gain.  Thank goodness I had a few real life examples of people we know who blew the standard 25-35 out of the water, had healthy babies and then lost the weight.   That helped, it helps me too! I’m not up there yet but I am pretty sure I will surpass it myself before all is said and done.

*Topic of the lecture was actually focused on birth weigh in relation to gestational gain.  He still walked away with enough to be dangerous in regard to my own climb up the scale.  It’s findings were underweight women tend to have underweight infants while overweight women don’t necessarily deliver heavy ones.  If you were interested.