Up for grabs

A toy I got for Nate came with a free year of Parents magazine.  I already subscribe so I can’t use it myself.   Want it?  Leave a comment- if there are more than one of you that respond I will draw from a hat.  All scientific like.

Survey

Can anyone see the feet at the top of the page??  I never can, but its been brought to my attention that some of you, if not all cannot see them either.

So, feet or no feet? 

 

EDIT:  I think I got it — please let me know if they disappear again. 

 

 

Poison Ivy and Tornado Warnings

This weekend wasn’t the best.  It was, itchy.  Hmm, actually Itchy would explain a little bug bite, that sock line you get after a long day in boots.  Itchy is not an appropriate description to the hell that has been this weekend. Where your husband wakes you up because your scratching yourself so hard in your sleep that hes afraid your going to hurt yourself.  It would appear that we have poison ivy somewhere in our yard.  I think I know where after spending some time online looking at pictures of it.  Even so, I am a bit afraid to go after it.  I don’t want to deal with this ever again.  What I didn’t know was there is sort of an incubation period once you have been exposed.  On Wednesday I spent hours out there pulling dandelions from the lawn and when I came in I noticed the spots, tiny bumps looking like bug bites.  I washed up and didn’t think about them again.  Until Friday night.  They started itching, still looking the same but the itch was more intense than a normal bite, I complained to Mike a bit but again, let it go.   By Saturday I was out of my mind, the bumps had turned to blisters and I was this close to gnawing my own arm off.    Mike suggested we stop at the drug store on the way to dinner that night since I was miserable.  When I showed the Pharmacists she told me what it was.   Today is day 5, my arm is almost twice the size of the other and now to top it off I have a new rash from the bandages I have had on it to keep the ointment on.  This is absolutely ridiculous, these three tiny lines causing such discomfort.  I have NEVER itched like this, I had the “epidural itch” and this is at least 100 times worse than that. I know it could be much worse, I am so glad that I was wearing gloves.   Google tells me this lasts for 14-20 days.  Awesome.

Today was my first Mothers Day.  Mike was very sweet, but the weather was crummy.  So, today we spent a fair amount of time hunkering down in the basement waiting for the tornado sirens to stop.  One day we will look back on this.  I hope we remember that Nathan was hamming it up at dinner and that despite the setbacks we are one happy- corny family.   Not that I had a rash up to my elbow, slathered in goop and we were stuck in the basement.   Life, right?

Hope all you Mamma’s had great days!

What’cha got in there?

I was out running an errand the other night, all by myself toting my giant red purse.  When I went to pay a load of crap came pouring out, I’m not sure why, it is a fairly controlled amount of chaos in there but I digress.  I saw the checkout woman peer and snicker a little.  My guess, she’s had a rattle fall out herself.  So, for fun, here are the contents of my bag, any given day.   If you want the verison of this shot with notes, you can see it in the Flickr section.  Or just click the photo to enlarge- twice- once to the medium frame another for large.

  

 

Tell us, what do you have in your daily bag?

 

I may do more of these, same title-  pantry, medicine cabinet, recycling bin?  I always like a little peeping tom look into my bloggers “real” life.  Sometimes you learn more by this stuff than what we are writing.  It can be funny to see the sugar free rock stars next to a bag of breast milk, which are actually in the fridge right now.  Thoughts,  any picture requests?   This place is boring me right now- NEED to find new things to talk about. 

 

The one where my head comes out of the sand

As Spring continues to rock my world I am questioning my health over the past few months. 

I’m realizing that I was quite off because hot damn do I feel fantastic now.  I felt some of this one long grey winter in NC so I knew what it was about but this winter was so bad… I don’t know if maybe I had a touch of PPD along with Seasonal affective disorder or what?  I have to say I’m pretty surprised that no one told me that I wasn’t being myself.  (Not you guys but maybe Mike?  or Mom? ) I remember questioning a friend when we meet at the mall when N was 8 weeks old.  I told her how I didn’t answer the phone, I didn’t want to leave the house.  It was cold and dang by the time I got out of the house it was time to feed him again anyway.  I was very much in the throw my hands in the air stage.  We stayed in my bed a lot during the day, snuggling and watching tv and reading Dr. Seuss and Curious George.  I was happy smelling the top of his head but outside of that was cold and unknown.  I tended to just stay in my own lair.   I am just really surprised at this overnight change in my state of mind.   I am seeing all of this behavior very clearly all of the sudden.   I ended up chalking it up to the Mini-Pill which made me co-co for cocoa puffs, stopped talking it and felt better.  Less jump out the window, more stay in bed sniffing the baby.  Still, not me.  But good enough.  Now?  Now,  wow.  I shake my head a little.  Why didn’t I see it?  I knew the eyes in the mirror looking back at me were empty, unless they were looking at Nathan, there was not much life in there.  I know too, that when people would come to visit I would brighten up instantly.  So happy for interaction, for a reason to blow out my hair.   When Mike would come home from work I would cling to him, so happy to have him home.

Now, I am still happy he is home but it is so much different.  I’m happy so he can see Nathan Jump in his lap and to hear him chant da-da-da and see how high his teeth got today.  Fun stuff, not OMG where have you been I neeeeed you.

This wasn’t some dramatic Brooke Shields – Down came the rain event.  It was much more mild than that because it never was about the baby.  It was me,  I never had any disturbing visions of hurting Nathan, but I would have thoughts of getting in the car and driving away, leaving him in his crib and go park in a lot somewhere and just sleep.  God, just sleep.

On what appears to be the other side, I didn’t know!  I didn’t recognize this.  I am shocking myself to be writing this at all,,, I had this conversation with my Dad when N was about 4.5 months old.  Him, sitting in my living room with me going on about how lucky I am, so in love with my family, so “happy” and he said he never understood PPD, and I said neither did I.   I didn’t.  I guess I still don’t.  You are happy in a huge way but when no one was around, there was a strangeness that kept you in bed.  That kept you in your PJ’s until 15 minutes before your husband gets home so he doesn’t know  you were under a blanket on the couch most of the day.  I though I was mostly okay,  just had a little cabin fever maybe?  A little bit with the weather, rather than under it?

I don’t know why I am writing about this really, other than it is a way for me to work through the feelings.  I don’t know if I needed outside help even.  I never asked for it, but I didn’t recognize this until just now.

Anybody else have a light bulb moment like this?  Where your awakening is so dramatic you realize that this was a little deeper than you knew while you were in it?