I want to buy it all!

Let me start with a little confession: I bought some stuff this week. I was at Target, and I needed some stuff but I had already decided that I was going to buy 1 bottle of nail polish, I wanted to try this glitter french manicure (it was a fucking disaster, pinterest, you are full of lies!) and that was all I was going to get. It was. But see, I had all of this time, we didn’t have anywhere to be and the boys were in amazing moods and it was just too easy to browse. It started with a pair of shoes, they were on clearance and I have tried them on a few times, for fun, but they had that blessed red sticker. It’s like a drug to me, I swear. So I argued with myself for a bit and then Nate said “Mom, those are zupah-cool!” And I asked him, “think daddy will like them?” “YEAH!” in the cart they went. Then I ended up grabbing a t-shirt, one that I’m sure will end up with a hole in no time.  And then, a pair of sunglasses and a hat. So, all in all, about $62.  And you know, I didn’t feel guilty at all. I felt happy.

Now, this is exactly the reason I started this. So I wouldn’t do this all the time. Before I started, I’d do this once a week, so one time in 8 months does not a problem make. But, I know myself.  I am making a list of exactly what I will buy for or vacation and I will not deviate from it. I must stay on track.

All of this aside. There’s nothing I’d love to do more right now, sitting at Panera ALONE, (heaven) than one-click my way thru the internet.But I’m not going to. I’m just going to enjoy the quiet and relax. This right here? This time to myself is honestly the best thing I could buy myself today. (okay, and a rug for the dining room and some new lights for the upstairs hall and a chair for the den, but that should do it. For today.) (But I like being married, so Ill just refil my diet coke and sit a while longer.)

no shopping: the half way point

Back in November I decided to rein in my somewhat out-of-control shopping and stop it all together for a year. I updated after the first month (maybe 2?) but a few things have changed so I figured I’d bring you up to speed since it was something I got a lot of questions about.

First, after the first month, I had to give my self a “social allowance”  I realized really quickly that in order to see my friends and have any time outside of the house just for myself I had to have a some money. Now, it’s not much, just $35 a month. I use it for my time or two a month where I see my friends. For lunch, a movie, coffee, etc. It’s a tiny amount of money but it’s on purpose so I don’t spend my “social allowance’ on the crap I was blowing money on before.

Now, I did complete a design job in March and I spent every single dime I made on myself. I got some clothes, a pair of shoes, an end table and some project supplies. It was GLORIOUS.  I also invested in a few new bras, but hot ham, those were necessary.

It’s getting harder. I have to admit. I’m loosing weight and the seasons have changed and I need (want) more gym clothes and really just want to go shopping.  Yesterday I was at the mall and it was so hard. Everything I see that I want, I have to put down. And that’s the point, to change my habits because I don’t need everything I want. Clothes are hard, home stuff is hard, okay fine, right now it’s all hard. I just want some retail therapy. GAH!

Mike and I are going on vacation in July for our 10th anniversary and I am going to buy a few things for the trip, a new swimsuit, a hat, a cover up or 3 and probably a new dress. So, that’s spending money, yes, I know but it’s our first trip without kids EVER and well, shut up, I want new shit. Okay? he’s getting some new stuff too so…

So, that’s where that’s at. Will I make it to November? Yeah, the first six months have gone fine and most of the time it feels really good to walk away from stuff. I’ve learned that just because something is cute or “me” or would go so great “there” doesn’t make it worth my money. What I’ve learned so far is that quality is a better buy than quantity, meaning target t’s are cheap now but in the end if I’d bought one from jcrew it wouldn’t have a hole in it.  I probably didn’t have to go to such extremes to realize such a no brainer but here I am.

I cannot wait until this is over….. thank god my birthday is coming up soon.  Come on gift cards, mama needs some lululemon!

Heavy Sigh

It’s been a hard few days. I couldn’t wait to get back into the routine after Christmas and now here we are and I’m bored and so tired and a little manic. I want to do a ton of stuff but I’m so tired that my mind races but my body is still. I just don’t get any sleep. Last night both of the boys were up a ton. I spent less than an hour in my own bed before I was up answering to one of them. Ben’s going thru the 18 month sleep regression, this will end. He’s been a great sleeper for nearly 5 months now. Hopefully this will end soon. Nate on the other hand, never sleeps all night. Every time he stirs he comes and wakes me, and I can’t just tuck him in, I have to lie down with him until he’s out. Then he does it again, usually 1-3 times a night and then around 5 he crawls in bed with me. Ben’s up at 6. I’m so sick of bitching about being tired, you have no idea. I’m not a complainer but this has made me so moody, night after night after month after year.

I spent some money and I’m really pissed off at myself for it. It started with a pillow last week but I took that back the next day. I thought about buying it so hard in the store and decided to get it, then when I got home I was fine with it, I was going to keep it. But I couldn’t, I felt guilty and it went back. Yesterday, after working out, Nate asked in his sweet little voice,” Mommy, can we go to Old McDonald’s?” I can’t take it when hc calls it that, we went.  $13. Food, so sort of okay, I guess. But impulse and a no-no for what I’m trying to achieve. Plus, its shit, and my kids shouldnt be eating it. Today, after I dropped Nate at school I needed to go to Target for some meds and Ben had been up since 4, and I knew if I went home he’d fall asleep and ruin his nap…so I went to Michael’s, and spent $8. Just some stuff to finish a project and it’s just $8 but damn. I broke. Is it the sleep? Is it lack of give a crap because of the sleep? I think a little of both, really.

It’s supposed to snow tomorrow afternoon and on Friday and for some reason that seems like a big ole pj-day permission slip. I’m looking forward to that. I think I need to crock-pot something too so I can really just do nothing for a bit.

How much did I spend in November?

The month is almost over and since my next few days are booked and they do not include shopping I guess I’ll update you now.

What did I spend, how did I live.

The month was hard at first. I had all of my normal urges to go out and look and touch and air out the kids. It got easier though. As they days went on I wasn’t focused on it. I did a few crafty things around the house with supplies I already had. And to be honest, I have a few really sweet and generous friends.  One treated me to a lovely brunch and coffee and another to coffee and a little treat at a junk shop.  That was lovely, I cannot lie.  Mike has brought flowers home for me each week, so far. I always have fresh flowers in the house and he knows I love them so he’s getting them for me. Total wash in terms of money but he is sweet.

I did get a few random things this past weekend, lightbulbs for our christmas window candles, some ornament hooks and a pack of command strips, all for decorating this weekend. But that’s it. I didn’t buy a thing this month, save for that accidental $4.55 latte the first of the month.  Life outside of my personal spending went on as normal. I hosted a brunch at home and Mike and I had a date this past weekend so that really helps, too. The rules don’t apply to that type of thing, just to random spending and unnecessary junk.

November total – $4.55!

There were lots of things I wanted, trust me. But as time went on and I was home and away from the allure of the bright store lights I realized that I didn’t need any of it and a few of the items would have been a full on waste of money (looking at YOU dollar spot!) so, I feel good. But I’m also making a Christmas list and  we are planning our anniversary trip for next year and this was just the first month. But one down is one down!

Thrusdays

I don’t workout on Thursdays and Nate doesn’t have school. Thursday is my SAHM hump day. Almost there, let’s get out of the house and have some fun.

After a slow morning we’d typically head out to Target, I’d grab a coffee and we’d take our time browsing. Then we’d go to Marshalls or Home Goods.  Sometimes we’d just go to the mall, the kids would play and I’d grab a coffee, they’d get a pretzel and we’d wander around.  I don’t typically have items in mind when we do this. But I’d come home with a new necklace or some makeup, maybe a top and the kids would get a toy or a book. Then we’d have lunch out. It was a great way to spend time, all of us happy.

The thing about Thursday is it is all about excess. Fun, sure, but the stuff isn’t necessary.

It’s 10am and the beds are made, the kitchen clean and there is laundry running. The boys are dressed and happily playing. I’m fine, too. Trying not to think about shopping and just enjoy the day with my boys. A nice day at home. I LOVE to be home so that helps, I think. This will be our stay home day now. The rest of the week we are running around, to school and the gym and running errands. Now instead of wasting money. I’ll spend the time with the boys and enjoying us. And, well, probably doing lots of pinning and day dreaming but this isn’t supposed to change who I am and what I love, but to help me appreciate what I already have.

Operation Stop Spending

Okay, you guys. I have one hell of an announcement. As of November 1st, I’m not spending any money on myself.

I spend so much money. Too much money. Some of it on things I genuinely need but most of it is stuff I just want.  I need one pair of jeans not a bag full of tops and accessories to go with the jeans I actually needed. I needed a pair of new nail clippers not the 3 new shades of polish and a lip gloss.  And on and on and on. I have grabby hands. I WANT STUFF. I LOVE stuff.

For those of you playing along at home you know I’ve not worked a day since Nate was born 4 years ago. And yet, I still shop as if I have my own income. I don’t and it’s so ass of me to act as if I do.  I need to learn how to stop buying the extra stuff. I need to find another way to get that little high.  I have a closet full of clothes I love, great shoes and accessories, more nail polish that a girl needs and I really don’t need a thing.  My house looks great, too. I don’t need to keep buying crap for it, either.

So, one year. No shopping.

I am keeping my gym membership and my trainer. I will also continue to get my haircut. Neither of these things are cheap but I’m not trying to lose myself in this process, I am trying to better it. So my hair and my body will not suffer. Just my emotional state. Since I think all of this shopping is just that, emotional. I don’t know why or if it’s true yet but we’ll see. And I’m totally going to talk to my therapist about this.

I will keep a little log of how each month goes, if I slip up or cry over something I can’t-wont’ allow myself to have. Both I’m sure will happen. I already forgot last week and got a coffee at Starbucks and was SO PISSED over spending $4.55 on coffee I almost didn’t enjoy it. Except I totally did.

Speaking of such things. Mike and I are still going to have our monthly date nights. We will still spend money as a family and on the kids and if we are all out and Mike is getting coffee you can bet your sweet ass I will too. What I wont do is get it on my own, just for me.

So, this is happening and while I’m feeling empowered by it right now I SO KNOW I hate the entire idea already and don’t want to do it at all. But, I already handed Mike my credit card and told him that this is on. He couldn’t be more about it! (shocker)

Stay tuned.. I’m sure there will be much talk about this. Loosing magazine subscriptions. Learing to love the library again. Wish lists. Ect.