Let’s take a vote, shall we?

You guys, YOU GUYS!  I’m half way there. 20 weeks today, can I get a WHOOT WHOOT!  thanks.

Monday is the “big one” the show me what you’ve got ultrasound and I am going crazy waiting. 

I’ve always seen myself the mom of boys.  When I’d picture the future it’s just always been that way.  I did have a few girl dreams in the very beginning of this pregnancy but once I had the first peak at Olive at my first appointment that went away, I’ve since only had one baby dream and it was a boy.  Just one.  Odd to me since I had lots of headless boy baby dreams before I knew it was Nate, always a boy, never a face.  This time, nothing.  I have no intuition or feeling whatsoever. I awoke one morning and thought “it’s another boy, of course it is.”  But, honestly?  I have NO IDEA!  Nate is sure it’s a “sistah” and that’s about as strong as an opinion as we’ve got to date.  As long as I’m being honest, let me say I think I will be a touch sad either way. If it’s a girl I will be sad that Nate wont ever have a brother. If it’s a girl I’ll be a little sad I wont ever have a daughter. That being said, I just wanted another person to come live with us and which ever part he or she has is so damn welcome that at the end of the day it totally doesn’t matter.

So, tell me!  What do you think? I’ll share after we call our people Monday evening – can’t have the real life people reading it here first.

How we’re doing

We are in our second week of this.

It’s getting old, really.  Beautiful for sure but old all the same.   I’ve got errands to run before my trip on Thursday and we’re getting down to the wire with Mike needing the big car.   I can’t wait to go, I wish Chicago were tropical rather than more of the same but I digress.  A trip is a trip and this one is going to rule!   As long as my top I ordered to wear to the Oprah show arrives tomorrow as it should, then, yes, rule it will.  Also, our hotel has a Starbucks INSIDE!  Oh, yeah, Mama’s ready!

Hope you’re all warm and dry!

Little bits of Happy

It is so cold.  So very cold.  Even with the help of pregnancy insulating me a little I am freezing!  The earth is frozen sold or a sloppy mess, the sky is gray.  My mood is not.  For the first time in years I’m not suffering from SAD.

I’ve not disclosed that I’m still taking my meds; I am.  I know this is a calculated risk but one that both my OB and I chose that the benefit of my being well far outweighs the very slight risk this poses to the baby.  Judge if you will, but this is what’s right for me.  This is making me sort of neurotic over other things, I won’t take my Nexium, I’m most often not treating the headache I’ve suffered from for weeks on end.  I am trying not to add anything else to my system.  “Tell your D. about your headaches, I’m sure she can give you something!”  I am too, but I don’t want it.  I’m sticking with mental health over physical.  Right now, in spite of the pain, it is what’s right for me.

I’ve been finding so much joy in life.  In the day-to-day minutia.  I always knew that this was what I wanted; to be home with my kid(s) to teach, to cuddle, to cook for, to create with.  To raise.  I knew in my head that I should have been happier, I was so right.  This is exactly what I want at this stage of our life.  It’s exactly as it should be, as I’ve wanted, as my family deserves.

I’m getting increasingly impatient awaiting the upcoming ultrasound.  I just want to know!  I want to call the baby by name, I want to paint and buy fabric and sew blankets and curtains and get my nest on!   The day we learned Nate was Nate was the best day of my pregnancy, I can’t wait to have it again!  I know exactly what I am buying first, immediately after that appointment I have a stop to make. One tiny detail in the nursery,tiny in size, giant in meaning.

Every time I feel Olive move my mind is blown.  Despite the belly, the change in wardrobe, etc.  I am still shocked that this is real.  I still can’t wrap my head around it.  I’ve been shopping, there are new muslin swaddle blankets perfect for summertime, breastfeeding supplies, clothes we’ve received as gifts, new blankets and a pile of decor items and still, blown away! 

Blown away by the new life, there seems to be two of them growing within.  My own and that of a baby.