2009

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Made time for creativity, being a project of my own or fostering Nate’s and coloring the walls of the shower with him. 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Yes, but my resolution was a word “today.”  I stuck to it pretty well, I’d say about 70% of the time which is a pretty good success considering my history with traditional resolutions. The goal with the word was to be present and get things done.  I don’t want to look back on my time at home as just clean floors and healthy meals, it needs to be about keeping myself happy and healthy as well as raising a well-rounded kid.  It really made a difference most of the time.  Do it TODAY! – I often did.  I will chose a word this year, too, and this year I’m cutting myself some slack since half of it I will be with child and the other half said child will be attached to my chest.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My youngest sister had a baby on Dec 17th- but, we are 9 years apart so while she is my baby sister we aren’t exactly bff’s.  There were a few Internet babies born to women I consider friends, I’d like to count them.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No!  Second year running- awesome.

5. What countries did you visit?

I wish that read counties- I didn’t travel outside of the US this year and don’t expect to for at least a few more.  Toddler’s and Babies have a way of  keeping you close to clean water- plenty of time for travel later!

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you didn’t have in 2009?

An overnight away with Mike.  Even if we stay in Columbus- I’d love to sleep without one ear open and having to feed the cat at 6 am-  To just be us for a while.

7. What dates from 2009 will be etched upon your memory, and why?

November 5th- positive pregnancy test.  Aside from that – I will always remember this summer, Nate and I at the pool- our first and only just the two of us.  It was perfect.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

Getting the long overdue help  for my PPD and Anxiety.  This was huge for me.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Getting pregnant a little overweight.  I gained a few lbs after I weaned Nate in January and then added on a few more over the year, I’d lose them and gain them back.  I hope to end this cycle once and for all after Olive arrives.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No injuries but defiantly from mental illness- my first case of food poisoning- and dude, morning sickness.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Our family weekend away- it was expensive as hell but we had a blast!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I have to say Mike’s he continues to work hard to keep his family afloat- thankfully, he mostly enjoys his job.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

ehh, pass- see #23

14. Where did most your money go?

the mortgage, groceries, trips (WA, FL, and the family weekend in Ohio) memberships for the pool, zoo and science center

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

When we finally decided to have another baby- then, finding out we were expecting.  Nate’s 2nd birthday party- Christmas.  

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Moby Dick (led zeppelin) Nate looses his mind when this song comes on- a family dance party immediately ensues.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier!- Fatter – Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Run, get real pedicures, sit-ups

 19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

 Diet Coke!  This is going on my short resolution list for next year.  Diet Coke is NOT part of the food pyramid.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At home with my favorite boys- playing and eating and staying in our Pj’s all day long.  It was a prefect quite day at home.

21. Did you fall in love with 2009?

No, not new love at least-but, I love Mike more all the time.

22. What was your favorite TV program? 

Lost, Brothers and Sisters, The Office,  Design Star

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I wouldn’t say I hate anyone but 2009 was a major time of cleansing.  No more toxic relationships. 

24. What was the best book you read?

I read a lot more this year than in the past few but admittedly it was a lot of fluff!  Chick lit, easy wind down reads.  But, right now I am reading YOU having a Baby and it is really good- not your typical pregnancy book- its more scientific and based on health, stress, exercise and genes.  It’s really fascinating.  So, maybe that.  Otherwise,I loved Certain Girls by Jennifer Wiener.-

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Man, this is a big FAIL!  Last year I hoped to have an answer this year and I don’t.  I rely so heavily on Mike’s I-Pod I don’t “have” to seek out my own finds.  I’m constantly playing his “just purchased” list and love most of it- while I love new music and discovering new bands it’s not up there on my priority list especially with Mike as my enabler.

26. What did you want and get?

The Eames molded arm chair- 

27. What did you want and not get?

A master bedroom total overhaul.   A laptop.  Boobs at least a cup smaller after weaning and for my thighs to stay magically thin after losing the automatic daily calorie burn.

28. What was your favorite film of 2009?

 maybe Sunshine Cleaning- that was the first that came to mind

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

We went on a DATE!  Just dinner and a movie but it was a huge deal since it was the first actual babysitter event. I don’t remember what we saw, but I wore my red wedge heals and skinny jeans! – I turned 32.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I’m always really quick to answer with Money but really it’s all I can think of.  I have the life I really, truly want.  I adore my husband and my son- what else is there?    Mike works a lot but takes a fair amount of time off- I feel like we’ve got things pretty well figured out at the moment- all I can think of is damn, id be nice if our house were paid off, we could buy new windows, a new car, fence the yard,  but that is all really petty.  I’m good.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2009?

Cute and oh, look, she’s a Mom!  I’m slowing getting the hang of what I want to look like and how to accomplish it- flat shoes, washable everything so lots of embellished t’s, dark wash jeans and cute shoes- a heavy accessory always- be it earrings, a necklace or a bracelet- something that makes me feel a little more dressed.  Oh, and a great bag.  It may be full of diapers, Thomas  and sippy cups  but damn if you can tell from the outside!

32. What kept you sane?

Saturday night dates at home!  Girl time with Carrie. Reading and for sure blogging.  Regular hair appointments.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Crap, I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have this year.  My commute use to be my NPR time and I’ve fallen behind.  I am paying a little attention to the health care bill- and get a little annoyed about Ohio Freaking The Eff out over getting a Casino- my word people.  You’d think gambling killed kittens or something.

34. Who did you miss?

for me this is like thanking people when you win an Oscar- I miss everyone!  I love having a life independent of our families but it comes at a VERY high cost.  I miss them all.  I miss my Village.

35. Who was the best new person you met?

Two people, our babysitters!  Kourtney and Erin.  Holla!

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Putting time and energy into a bad friendship isn’t worth it- you are only 50% of the equation- you can’t make someone meet you in the middle.  Let go. 

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

If it takes shit to make bliss, then I feel pretty blissfully. {modest mouse}

You can see my list from 08 here.

She lives (just barely)

I really hate when so much time passes between posts; I never know where to begin, what to include, or, if I should just scrap it all and move forward.

I’m not scrapping it all, lest Nate’s 3rd Christmas disappear.  Christmas was a smashing success, the baby kept  up its end of the deal and I felt well all day.  Then, all bets were off.  My friend Sarah said “Oh, crap!  I  think the baby found your blog!”  Gosh, that made me laugh so hard I almost snorted my ginger ale.   No, I’m not better yet but thanks for asking.  I’m hanging in there though, it’s become a predictable pattern of 5pm on so I get lots done before it hits and then lie low.  This is better than the 24 hour a day business so I will take it.  Still, I’m looking forward to spending time with Mike again sometime soon since he is only home to hear me groan and hold my belly.  There is a Christmas album in Flickr if you’d like to see the photo story of our holiday.

I often find myself using bullets when too much time has passed, today will be no different.  A quick peek at what’s happened while I was out.

• Nothing fits me!  12 weeks tomorrow and I’m buying new clothes, I didn’t pop with Nate until Spring so nothing I have from the first go-round works.  This is fun and sucks the selection out there hasn’t improved much.  Any tips on reasonably priced AND stylish maternity gear?
• Nate is a talking machine, like, really, you’re still talking?  I sort of laugh at his narrating since he learned that from me, constantly telling him what we are looking at/buying/touching.   There is nothing he can’t say or wont repeat.  Yikes.
• I had a blast decorating for the Holidays this year and in doing so came up with new ideas for next year, too.
• OMG, next year I will have TWO kids!
• OH, I can’t wait.
• I saw a picture of myself 30′ish weeks pregnant with Nate recently and freaked out- “I’m NOT ready”  I yelled.
• Yeah, that ship has sailed, girlfriend.
• I’m not feeling that connected to this baby yet, which is very similar to my pregnancy with Nate.  It wasn’t until I leaned “who” I was carrying that I developed a bond. 
• DYING to get there with this one-
• DYING!
• Have massive plans- entire nursery is sketched out, Nate’s big boy room plan is coming together and some updating to our (never going to happen full on re-do) master and bath.  Small tweaks- with the baby coming that comes first but the room is so boring I’m taking it on even if it’s just a few more years before we re-do it, I can’t stand how stark it is while we wait for the day to come.
• I have a list of posts coming up- my word for 2010, a recap of 09  and some organizing and purging projects to get done before Olive arrives.
• Oh, so Nate was Nugget- This baby is Olive- it was a coincidence that they both started with an N- this baby, no matter its gender, will not have an “O” name.
• Yes, we are finding out.
• No, you will not know Olive’s real name until s/he has a SSN.
• I got a Shark vacuum for Christmas and man, it rocks my stay at home socks!  If you have a fair amount of hard floors and are tired the half ass job a broom does, I cannot recommend this enough. it could be a little lighter but it’s fantastic.  It swivels and gets under furniture, and it doesn’t have a rotating brush which just throws bits all over the room, just really high power suction.  Awesome.
• Yeah, I asked for a vacuum for Christmas. Shut up!
• Mike actually got me everything on my list nothing more nothing less.
• Am totally spoiled.
• Hate that I didn’t ask for a Laptop too!
• Part of Christmas at our house revolves around food.  I cooked for about half the day.  Breakfast was Quiche, cinnamon rolls, fruit and sausage.  Dinner was roasted turkey breast, fresh green beans, homemade cranberry sauce and scalloped potatoes.  Dessert was a citrus pound cake with an orange cranberry sauce.  Oh, it was a big eating day!

I guess that’s about it.  How was your Christmas, did you enjoy large meals and time with family?  I hope so and I’d love to hear about it!

A Chat with my Fetus

Hi, baby! 

Wow, you sure are tiny!  See, I know this because I just saw you the other day, you’re like, an inch long.  One inch, that’s like {———–} this big, see? Pretty small.  So, what is up with my pants?  I’ll have you know that you’ve made me a bit more ill than your big brother did and I’ve not gained a single ounce (with him, boy that kid didn’t care, I was up a good 6 lbs buy now) so, seriously, what are you doing in there?   I mean, I understand that some things have to shift upward to make you comfy and that’s cool but you’re one inch long, and my pants, they do not button.   When I was watching you on the tv screen they took your measurements; you are a little bigger than Nate was at the exact same age.  Maybe you should back away from the onion rings? 

Also, whats with the  Joel McHale obsession?  Why must you force me to dream about him so much, he is everywhere.  At the grocery store, Hanukkah, story time, anywhere I am in a dream you’ve got him in the background.  Granted these locals could use a little spicing up but do we watch the soup that often that you already know who he is?  Very odd pudgy one, very odd.

Love you tiny toot!

Mama

ps- I call Christmas- DONT MESS WITH ME on Christmas, kid!

Don’t ask until January

I’ve been wondering where to go next with this whole  having a baby gig.  What to write about how to capture my excitement, disbelief, fear, feral illness.  And I don’t know, really.  The truth is, I’m sick.  Like, all the time sick, like NO I am not better “now” please stop asking.

I HATE to complain when I am pregnant.  Being pregnant is a gift, it’s a miracle and I don’t take this blessing lightly (ha! fat joke) so I suck it up and do what I can to go on about life.   Which is what I’ve been doing since about 4. 5 weeks when this bs 24/7 crap reared its ugly head.   It was like this with Nate, too, and you know what I did?  I kept my head down, went to work, got through the day and waited for it to pass.  I’m really trying to do the same thing now.  It sucks, for sure.  I mean, I’m not getting much done around the house, I’ve not purchased one single gift for Mike and there are a thousand things I’d love to do but my body just isn’t on the same page right now.  I’m trying to respect that.  I’m napping several times a week and eating as healthy as I can.  I get the laundry done, take the dog out, change a few diapers and that’s it.  It’s boring and a tad depressing but it is what it is.

I just wish Mike would let me be.  I sigh and groan and moan and burp all the time, each time a tiny mummer leaves my lips he asks me if I’m okay.  I say I’m fine because how many times per day can you listen to “No!” “BARF GOAWAY!” “YOUDIDTHISTOME!”  “go ahead, drink that coffee in front of me” “DONOTCOOKTUNAHELPER!”  So, yeah.  It’s hard but it’s not supposed to be easy and I can accept that.  I’m 9 weeks 4 days and with Nate it let up significantly around week 10 and was gone by 12.  If it’s gone by 12 I can deal with that. 3 more weeks will not kill me, but your tuna helper will.

In happier news, I had my first ultrasound today both Mike and Nate were with me.  When the baby came on the screen Nate smiled and pointed, “bubbles” it was amazing.   You go to your first ultrasound feeling like death warmed over, you KNOW you’re pregnant but there is a part of your brain that wont allow you to accept the pregnancy for all of the “what ifs” in the early weeks.
And then, then, the little olive pops up on the screen and its heart is beating and it has arms and legs and it’s little head is cocked ever so slightly as if it’s seeing you for the first time too.  And then you admit it, accept it, love it.  A baby.  Oh, wow, a baby!

The only time I have recurring dreams is when I’m pregnant and this time around Joel McHale is in almost everyone but also, twin girls, my twin girls.  My first due date was my Grandpa’s birthday of July 18th.  Grandpa died when Nate was about 8 weeks old, before he got to meet him.  Grandpa was a twin.  My due date is now officially July 15th and there is just one little olive, and oh, my word, not only is it so cute, I think it’s a she.

Party of 4

Org written November 6th.

Right, so, I peed on a stick today and holy shit, we did it.  We are having another baby. I wasn’t sure if what I’d been feeling was real or not as so many early pregnancy symptoms are identical to those of PMS but this morning when my temp shot up I knew.  I took the test.  I was shaking the whole time I was watching the hourglass flash, knowing what to expect, terrified that I expected it.  This time is so different, I mean its been 14 hours since I found out but it’s different.   This time I know what it takes to get through a pregnancy and infancy but I don’t know what it’s like to do it with a kid in the house who will be almost 3 when the baby arrives.  It’s scary.

I was grocery shopping to get ready for the in-laws visit tomorrow and wondered how do I do this with 2 kids?  If there is anything that having Nate has taught me it’s that you don’t have to know anything to get it done.  I guess I will just get it done.  Make it work.  Whatever the hell that means.

It’s also different in that while I’m a little scared I’m mostly elated.  We waited a while on purpose.  I wanted to have that feeling again, the one where you see a baby in public with bare feet and you die!  DIE- omg baby feet NOMNOMNOM!   I’ve been wanted to kiss baby feet for a while.  I’ve been ready for a while, 6 months maybe.  Before we had Nate we though we’d space them 2 years apart but when the time came neither of us was feeling it.  Eventually we had the conversation to start trying when Nate was 2, if we were ready.  It seemed that just deciding did the trick for us both.  Boy are we ready.

I hopped out of bed at 5:40am (which is like the middle of the night for me!) and couldn’t even get the test open, I was shaking so badly.  I thought it was taking too long, with Nate it popped up “Pregnant” really fast, this time I was just listening to my heart race.   But, it did pop up. 

“Guess what?”

“You’re Pregnant?”

“YEEEESS!!!”

 ”WOW!”

“Yeah, wow!”

“Are you happy?”

“YEEESS!”

“Me, too!”

I hopped back into bed where we held each other, smiling. Ready for the future, excited.   Party of 4.  Wow indeed.

The Discovery

Nate and I watched The Polar Express (or, two-choo spress’) yesterday and it got me thinking of when I discovered that Santa was a big fat lie.

I was a sneaky kid; I knew all of the hiding places and young.  That tunnel down the middle of the water-bed, under the basement stairs, the china cabinet and the big orange storage cabinet in the garage.  If you bought it, I would find it.   To me, finding the gift was more exhilarating than opening one on the proper day.  The risk of getting  caught, or the thrill of poking a hole in wrapping paper or if I had the time, slicing the tape on the back, peaking in and re-taping it.  One Christmas I was so bad that it got gifts banned from under the tree for life. FOR LIFE!  Oy, that sucked.  I had poked holes or half opened all of the gifts, all of them, didn’t matter who they were for, I had to know what was inside.  I vividly remember blaming one tiny finger hole on my cat, you know, the one without claws, or fingers.  I said I was sneaky, not smart.

Anyway, one year when I would guess I was about 6 since I only remember Heidi being around, I didn’t find a gift but I found a clue.  See, at our house, even before the big gift ban Santa would leave his presents on the fireplace, one for each kid all in the same paper with a tag.  I recognized the paper I saw in Mom’s closet was on the gifts from Santa. 

Like I said, I was about 6 but I wasn’t upset by this discovery.  For whatever reason I wasn’t that surprised, I don’t know if it had been going around school or what but it wasn’t that big of a deal.   What I did care about was protecting Heidi!  Oh, come hell or high water my little sister was going to be a believer if I had anything to do with it.  Somehow at that age I grasped the magic of the holiday and there was no way it was going to be spoiled for her.  I don’t know how I did, or how she found out but I know I went along with every story every spoken of the man in the red suit. 
Do you remember how you found out?