Finally on the flip side

It’s been a week and I finally have my car running again!  My word, you would think that the old 94′ would act up in the winter not the 06′ but I digress, also, knock on wood.  Hang in there old girl, you’re not allowed to give up on us just yet.

So, yeah.  I had been cooped up in this house for what felt like 4-EV-R and now that I have my freedom, 4-8 inches of snow are forecast for the day.  Sweet.  If anyone is considering moving to the Midwest that has never had “real winters” before, I’d recommend rethinking.   I actually love snow, it’s the frigid temp’s that get me all angry.  I can’t justify taking Nate out on a 5 degree day just to run and get some tea when I can make it here.   Even if I just want to get out, it’s stupid to drive around and risk getting in an accident when you don’t actually need to.

We don’t have much going on this week really,  tomorrow I have a Dr appt which will be fun because what makes a bunch of women in an OB’s office happier than a baby? I love to show off my boy.  Also, I love those people.  I never thought I would miss them after having the baby but you spend a lot of time there and really get to know them. I’m actually looking forward to going.  Plus, I know that my Dr will give me a high five when I step on the scale.   I may have missed my “in regular pants by Christmas” goal but I have met the pre baby weight by my annual check challenge.  Yay, me!   Also, as I type this I’m wearing the pair of Jeans that I thought would never fit again.  52 lbs!  Damn, I cant even believe that. Before now the most weight I have ever lost at one time was about 12 lbs.  52 is crazy. Anyway, nothing is planned for Thursday but Friday I have a friend coming to town, can’t wait to see her. 

So, it really figures that my making plans for the week plan has been mostly a flop in the first few weeks, with the clogged ducts and defunct car battery, and now another winter storm but I’m still feeling better.  Even when we can’t do exactly what I had in mind its better to have come up with it than to just sit around having a pity party.  I still think that once the darn sun comes out, all will be right with the world!  The need for all of this will be less and we can just enjoy being outdoors. 

I have never longed for spring before living here.  Nathan can’t wait either, he doesn’t know it yet but he is going to love it.  Walks around the neighborhood, going the park and the community pool, feeling the grass on his bare feet for the first time.   I get excited just talking about it!

Dreaming of Spring

After spending the morning playing on a blanket half watching Landscapers Challenge and Curb Appeal, I’m thinking of yard-work.   There is so much about my yard that I want to change. 

We have this wonky retaining wall that I don’t really like but its staying because its too damn heavy to move, what the heck would we do with it if we took it apart, and mostly because I think I can work with it.  I hope I can work with it.   I imagine the yard looked really nice about 10 years ago, back when it was done but now its so overgrown and some plants like the rhododendron’s are very sparse and I’m constantly clipping dead arms from it.   I think I’m taking everything out and starting over, even more so now after the great squash of 07′ when we got new siding and the workers trampled nearly everything close to the house.  The yard has no color, we have some lily’s that are yellow (one of my favorite colors) but they look like crap after they die off.   I would like to put in window boxes on the two windows with shutters and paint my front door an accent color since the house just blends in with the sky most of winter.  The first thought on that is a cranberry, it would go perfectly with what is going on in the interior of the house except that the house on the left and two on the right all have that color.  Does that matter?  I can’t decide. 

 So, kind ladies of the Interweb.  Help me!  What color for the door?  Also, any ideas for these flower beds?  

This is my house, in the frozen tundra.  It is bland and boring, so much so we call it the invisible house.  When we first moved in we would drive right past it.  It needs to be woken up, it wants beauty and color.  It wants to look loved.  Does anyone know if nursery’s offer design help?  I have never done anything from scratch before. 

 

On sucking, with a side of chai

Today is so off.  The baby woke up 4 times last night and has taken to nursing every 4 hours no matter what for about the past 2 weeks.  No more sleeping 7 hours, he must.eat.now.least.he.will, starve.  Or something, so I’m tired.  I’m so *&%^(!@  over winter already, seriously!  I loose my car about once per week to Mike for his safety, which, duh is okay with me.  This morning he stays he’s taking it, fine, whatever I think in my daze and then remember I wanted to see a movie today.  Oh well, not like I have to work tomorrow, right?  I get up and shower anyway,  decide that I will just scrapbook instead. Only, I open the garage door to dump the recycling and lo, my car is in there.  There’s about 6 inches of snow, something is not right.  Later, checking my email there is a message from Mike, battery is dead in my car…… not cool.  It croaked about 6 weeks ago, too.  Something is amiss, it’s a pretty new car. 

 So, I’m stuck at home and in a total funk!  I’m showered, the laundry is folded my scrapbook crap is all spread out which I’m totally not feeling.  I go to my old friend TiVo who is chalk full of favorites, only I don’t want to watch anything,  Nathan is napping like, well like a baby who doesn’t sleep at night and I’m just sitting here, with my tea, pissy. You know what the sucking part is?  I need to workout, I know it, I feel it.  One given in life is your body never lies.  Mine is saying,.

 GET OFF YOUR ASS, LAZY! 

 So, right now I’m going to put a tape in and get to sweating. Right now, even though I showered and blew out my hair and put on makeup.  I’m breaking up this pity party.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date with a paper bag!  (you know, for the hyperventilating)

*Edit- I survived!   It wasn’t without incident.  Nate woke up about 30 minutes in with his symphony that is the butt trumpet and needed changing that second.  While upstairs tending to that, I hear the unmistakable.   GULP-GULP-GLUP Hooooooooorrkkkk!   Sweet, dog vomit!    Not that I didn’t need the breather but come on. 

I feel better, I knew it would do the trick.  It’s really a shame that I had to hit rock bottom to get off my butt!

Monday, the new Saturday

I love weekends, having Mike home is great and he is super helpful.  That being said, he throws the routine off a bit.  Not terribly but I don’t seem to know what to do with myself when he is at home, its so strange. During the week as soon as Nate goes down I usually run here first, download any new pictures and check e-mail and then either turn the TV on or get to work on something around the house.  I pretty much do the same thing on weekends but its somehow different.   I’m in my 5th month of staying home and Monday is definitely the new Saturday.   He did win the best husband award this past weekend, I gave him the baby at 9am and went back to bed, I slept until Noon!  It was heaven.

This morning started off so productive.   Nate and I were up and out of the house just after 8, we were headed to the post office.  Anyone catch that?  Sort of the punch line, Post Office, Presidents Day.  Damn!  Now we have to go back tomorrow.  I hate going to the post office, there is this cranky woman there who is so mean to me.  She acts as though I can’t handle both an infant car seat and an envelope. 

Raise your hand if you read I would be painting this week and laughed at me….. go ahead.  I got the room taped and the walls washed yesterday, today I actually got it done.  I started at 10am and finished at 6:30pm.  I knew it would take a long time since I would be juggling the baby but it was pretty exhausting.  He did great for the most part but he didn’t want to nap today so that meant he was on the floor playing in the middle of the mess.  He managed to make it out without any paint on him. My hands and feet are very sore,  hands because I have no callus protection at all and all of that rolling really wore on them.  My feet because I paint barefoot, up and down on that latter all day ruffed them up.  Barefoot because I want to know if I step in paint before I get it all over the house, I didn’t step in any today, but, I did sit on my roller.  Cute!

Nathan started two new things this weekend.  First, he’s blowing raspberries.  It’s so cute, funny and slobbery.   Second, he’s started petting the dog.  I cannot tell you how cute that is.  Its only been about 2 weeks since he realized  he has a dog, now when Bruno hops up on the couch to sit next to us he reaches right out for him, every time. B loves it, unfortuately he shows it by licking him right across the face! (Cute but so gross.) 

Mondays plans, check.  On tap for tomorrow.  Yoga, the repeat PO trip and a new recipe for dinner.  Should go just fine.  Famous last words?

Fighting the Frump

It’s hard to get dressed when you’re not going anywhere.  I mean, why bother?  A clean pair of pants, t-shirt and a ponytail seem to be just fine.   Well, now I get annoying and answer my own question.  I am worthless when I don’t get dressed, sweats don’t seem to produce results even when they’re a name brand.  Also, I seem to feel like a slug in them, albeit a comfortable slug.  Now that all of my clothes fit again I am making a pledge to myself that I will wear them.  I did it last week (except for Tuesday when I was in bed ill) and it really makes a difference.  Putting on some makeup and a belt make a huge difference in how I feel, sort of stupid when Nathan doesn’t care, but I do and I’m sure Mike does, too.  If he were to be the stay at home Dad I don’t think I would appreciate seeing him in his PJ’s at 6 in the evening.

Learning how to do this “job” without loosing myself is a process, apparently.  I am finding time here and there to take care of myself,  keeping my brows tidy and my nails done, taking baths now and then while Mike keeps the baby.  I’m running more errands alone too which I finally enjoy.  Mike has always been great with the baby but I always wanted to take him everywhere, never wanted to be without him.  I’m over that now and appreciate that I can get errands run faster and easier, plus I can blast my music, just like the old Christina used to do. I think that this little tweak along with making plans for each day is going to help.    This week is just a few small’ish things, Yoga, painting, scrap-booking, cooking, and a movie.  Nothing major, just enough to fight both the frump and the cabin fever.  We’ll see how it goes.

Bits and Pieces

This morning started with a shock.  As Mike was telling me goodbye he said he saw one of my work buddies at the gym this morning.   He then went on to tell me that a co-worker had died.  I was stunned, though I knew that he was in trouble.   A few months before I left he was let go very quietly.  No one really talked about it other than to say that “we hope he gets it together”.  This lead me to believe that he was having drug issues but the little naive girl in me always wants to think its not that bad.   His first child was born last Friday the 8th, he died of an overdose on the 10th.  I can’t get him out of my head today.    He was such a good man, before.  His downward spiral was pretty obvious, months in advance of his firing but before that, he was such a good person.   I know that this was a big part of his relationship, I hope to god that little baby was born healthy. Such a tragedy. 

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This week was all planned out, I knew what I was going to do to stay busy and fight the boredom.   Monday morning I woke up with another blocked milk duct.  That day went as planned, I met a friend and her boys at the mall and had lunch, then Dad came that afternoon for a visit.  Monday night was spent in the tub and up nearly all night in pain, trying to get the milk to release.  All of Tuesday was spent in bed with the baby, reading and playing but me resting as much as possible since the block comes along with flu like symptoms.  It finally broke though  late that afternoon.   Wednesday I was going to go buy paint, nope, didn’t happen.   Too much snow and ice, Mike took my car.  Yesterday, hell, I don’t know what happened to yesterday outside of laundry and finally watching the last two episodes of Lost.  Fridays are always the same which I like, on Friday we go grocery shopping.  So now next week will be good and busy.   Just goes to show that you have to be flexible.  It seems like I have nothing but time, but damn, sometimes that’s not enough. 

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 Did you all see that picture down there of my KID?  Good god when did that happen?  I am having so much fun with him these days.  He has gone from little blob in my lap napping all day to a energetic and attentive baby.   We play all day, from tummy time reaching for his toys and doing the cutest little push-ups, looking up with his scrunched forehead and smiling when he meets my eyes.  He loves his excersaucer which we call the vomitorium, he pulls at the little bug levers to make the music play and rolls the barrel filled with beads.  He loves Curious George stories, he will sit in my lap for a good 30 minutes facing out looking at the pictures and listening to the stories.  We have instituted “family dance party”  which makes me laugh till I cry.  We always have either npr or one of our IPods playing, Mike was dancing around like a fool the other night and Nate stated cracking up, so of course I joined in and we all danced around having a blast.  Dorks, yes, happier than ever, also yes.  We are just enjoying nearly every moment with this boy, he is so darn happy and social I truly don’t know why we are so blessed.   He kicks and smiles when Daddy comes home, his whole face lighting up as if to say he’s been waiting for him all day long.  He watches my every move,  and smiles every time I look at him.  He stops eating just long enough to look up at me, grin and go back to business. He can pick up his squeaky blocks and chews on them, he has a favorite blanket, its part teddy bear part blanket.  He snuggles with it on the side of his face.  He is snuggling with us now, resting his head on our chests or nuzzling in our neck.  He smiles and coo’s when I sing to him.   He is pure joy.   Because of him, it seeps from my pores.  This is a love I have never known.

Happy Valentines Day

More later, here is my sweetie to keep hold you until I have time to actually write.

Wordless Wednesday: Really, Vicky?

Blah!

I’m having a hard time lately.  It’s more of a surprise to me than anyone else in my life, as they all seemed to see it coming.

I don’t know what to do with myself.  After the house is clean, the laundry is done, I’ve read 19 board books, had tummy time, swung, bounced, saucer’d, patty-cake’d and peak-a-boo’d, I’m lost.  I LOVE being home with Nate and wouldn’t trade it, honest.  But, something is missing.  I need something else and I don’t really know what it is.  In April’ish we will start swim lessons and I’m really freaking terrified to put this lard into a swimsuit excited to get the baby into the pool.  I’m looking forward to spring so we can get outside and walk and lay a blanket on the deck to play and bid farewell to the basement for a bit.   So, I have some plans for later but right now, I’m lost.  I don’t know what to do!  Last week we got out 3 days of 5, I did some yoga, got dressed everyday, basically did the things that I thought would help and they did a little bit, but not totally.  I guess I could join a mom’s group but I’m totally not feeling that, for lots of reasons.  I’m not a joiner, at all.  I hate being the new girl, mostly.

This weekend we took Nate to a movie and he was great!  So, now I know we can do that together during the week.  I’m excited about that actually,  Mike wont see 27 Dresses but the baby can’t protest.  This week my Dad is visiting and I’m going to paint the living room, so that will help.  I’m going to make plans with my friend for next week, and get my scrapbook stuff back out and do a few pages while Nathan naps.   I can’t really put my finger on what else I am needing but its something.  I’m going to put some energy in to working on it, so this next step is going to be planning out our week rather than deciding if I should get dressed or not before Mike comes home.   Honestly, if our mail box weren’t across the street I’d look like a fright on most days!

Help me, what can we do?  Tell me to get over myself and join a mom’s group.  Tell me I’m really okay and it’s winter that’s getting to me… I don’t know, tell me something!

When the bough breaks

Nathan and I were out this afternoon running some errands.  Our first stop was PetLand, I love going to petland, they always have both French and English Bulldogs (swoon).  We get there and I find a cart, it’s one of those that hold the basket in the top and there is a lower rack.  I took the basket out and put Nate’s car seat snugly in its place.  We were strolling around both of us drooling, me over puppies, Nate over his fist.  As we were leaving the cart caught the edge of the floor mat and the cart went down, so did I*, so did baby!   I freaked out, quietly.. there was a little girl holding the door for me with her Mother and two sisters standing outside waiting for her who started yelling, two store clerks came running over to help me up, when the say Nathan’s car seat on it’s side one of them, the woman, dropped to her knees to help, she made eye contact with me, she had tears in her eyes.  I was fine but freaked the hell out as I crawled on my hands and knees over to him.  I got his seat upright and he looked right at me, blinked and then smiled.  He really had no idea what had just happened.   The Mother of the three girls carried him in his car seat to my car, the female store clerk carried the dog food and helped me into the car.  Once I was in she put her hand on my knee and asked if I was okay and I started to cry.  I really was fine, neither of us were hurt.  I was so shaken, this is the first time I have felt that lift the car off my baby adrenaline.  Granted this wasn’t that serious but in that second where I was crawling to the car seat laying on its side, the sunshade hanging off, my heart was in my throat.

The seat fit so tightly in that cart, I was so comfortable with it…  I know they are designed to protect them in a car accident so a little tumble out of a shopping cart is nothing in comparison.  Still.

  *on the way home I realized if I had just let go of the damn cart before I fell down… it reminded me of when I was learning to water ski.  I can still hear my Mom yelling  “LET GOOOOOOO!”  while ingesting half of the lake.