Is that a breeze I feel?

I took a trip to Target at lunch today as my belly has been feeling wind, I am out growing even my biggest tops.  All I wanted was a few t-shirts, nothing fancy just some full bump coverage for the last few weeks.  When I got there they only had one style so I grab one in each of there giant selection of four colors 4 larges 4 extra large, thinking which ever fits I will take all four.  Ummm, the extra large was tight!  Awesome!  I didn’t get any t’s.  I talked later with a girlfriend and she put it perfectly, they just don’t make clothes for the very end. You’re not cute anymore, they don’t want anything to do with the end.  Nothing you can really do but tug on that top for a few more weeks.  Great, hope the wind doesn’t blow upward.

So just how big do you have to be to out grow maternity clothes?  37 weeks.  BIG!  At this point I just look giant.  I really don’t get offended anymore when someone tells me, I cannot argue.  At 37 weeks I am measuring 43 inches around!  43 inches…. everyone keeps swearing “it’ll all go back” they’d better be telling the truth. 

I got my hair cut just 6 weeks ago and NOW its going at warp speed. 

All worked up

Today was just full of little things that set me off and I wasn’t even in a bad mood.  Just you know, hugely pregnant, tired and well evidently moody and somewhat in denial.

My 37 wk check up was mostly a joke and a huge waste of time.   I saw a nurse practitioner rather than an OB or Mid Wife like all of my other appts.  Not usually part of the prenatal care team but they were over booked.  NO KIDDING?  I waited for over an hour to see her and a/c was broken.  It was 94 today.  When she finally met me in the room (lights off to keep the temp’s down) I was laying on my side. She asked if I was okay and my rude reply was yeah, just laying here sweating to death.  She did apologize, then went on to talk at me and wasn’t interested much in my questions.  Seemed like someone that behind schedule would have some outstanding bed side, maybe engage in conversation with her patient.  Nope.  Then, well then it happened again.  I’m measuring 2 cn big  (39) and when I asked if I should expect him to drop she said maybe not, “he’s a big one, there’s not much room for any shifting in there.”   These size opinions are making me nuts.  I have decided that it doesn’t matter if hes big, small or average.  Hes coming out!  That’s all I know for sure.  So not as “on track” as I was just one week ago but whatever.  The end is near.

Most of the comments from strangers these days have changed up a bit and in a good way.  They look at me with wide eyes and ask how much longer, is it your first, girl/boy.. etc.  Mostly just interested, not OMG you’ll never make it or how many are in there.   This past weekend we went to see a movie and the theater manager came to me and asked if I thought I would make it thru the show,he was laughing and said he was kidding, he has 3 and went on to the standard line up of questions. Not offended, he was just making small talk but that was the first comment of shes going to blow any second that I have had so far.   Well, tonight I was at the gym and a woman I would guess was in her late 50’s gave me the wow sweet grandma look so I smiled.  She asked how many months, i replied 9 months 1 week, just 3 more to go.  You mean 8 months 1 week.  Nope, 9 with 3 till my due date.  Three more she snapped, your already late!  No, I’ve got 3 more, its 40 weeks.  She thought it was 9 months- I replied me too until I got pregnant with this one (not true but trying not to make her feel silly).  Her reply…. Well you cant count, you’re late.  I shot her a look,  then turned and removed my top- she gasped at my belly and asked Twins?  NO I snapped.  OH Triplets!?  I just turned my back to her and ended the conversation.  Wow right?  Has this woman never had anyone in her life give birth?  Maybe a young man without children thinking 9 months would be common but for a women to not know 40 weeks surprised me… I wont even get into her belittling me about my counting skills.  I bet she was thinking about how my baby will be riding on the short bus cause his mama is dumb as a box of rocks.

The Boot, continued

 I wrote a few weeks ago about my concern regarding the person coming in to replace me 6 weeks before my last day.  This is his 4th week and he’s doing okay.  He drives me bat shit crazy on a daily basis, rather than trying to learn the job he’s got constant ideas on how to improve upon all procedures.  That’s great and ambitious buddy but maybe you should learn what the Sam hell this job is and then re work it all?   Anyway, that’s all misplaced anger really.   He is trying and yes he annoys me but overall he is getting it.  

What I’m all worked up about is this.   I was told this morning that this is the last week that I have a home in my office.  They are kicking me out of it on Monday; Tim gets my seat, my computer, and my job. While I what, you (and I) ask?  I did ask my boss this exact question; what do I do?  She told me just be here for him if he has questions.  That’s it!  No job to do, no place to sit.  Fantastic.   I tell you what, I will read a book a day on the clock cause if they want me out they are going to have to tell me, don’t be all passive aggressive.  Hide my red swing line stapler and move me to the storage room in the basement, tell me, make me leave!*  Until then I will be desk hopping with my book in my hand.

No work, no computer, no phone, no place to sit.  It’s not like I’m leaving them in the lurch here, I was very open about not returning and well in advance of my last day. I have been a great employee.  I was sick as a dog in my first trimester and didn’t call in sick one time!    I’m on time, I am reliable, and I am good at my job. I take pride in my work and I’m doing all I can to insure Tims success with this company. I just wish someone had noticed, it all makes me sad, but, I’m not bitter.

* Office space, someone please tell me they knew that.

I’m bringin’ Sexy back

Welcome to 9 months pregnant, these are your feet.  Your toes now resemble ‘lil smokies and your legs are holding fluid as well. I’ve been home for about an hour and a half and you can still see the indentation from my flip flops!  This is a tad depressing.   

Had I not been at the Dr this morning I would have gone in for a quick bp check, just to be sure.

Speaking of that, all is well.  I saw my favorite Mid-Wife again, the one who said Nugget felt small one month ago. (no, thats not why I love her) I told her about Dr Kelley and his “pretty seizable head” remark followed by c-sections are no big deal.  She laughed, and said “he’s such a man!”  She also said that she was sorry, he shouldn’t be saying stuff like that to first timers, you know, inducing heart attacks and such.  She took my hands and showed me by touch how to feel the sides of his head, its not big feeling to her and surprisingly not to me either.  It seemed about the size of my palm.  She told me if he were my 2nd I could “sneeze him out”  OH!?- better than the Giant Peach baby I was afraid of.  That said, do either of them really know?    She estimated he’s probably close to 6 lbs today and that he could be in the 7.5-8 lb range at birth.  Again, guessing but sounds okay to me.   I measured exactly 36 today which was good since Dr Big Head said I was 2 cen. over ( did I mention that before?) but today was right on track.  My BP was still good, I don’t remember its exact number this time but something normal,  it certainly wasn’t in the danger zone to go with the massive flinstone feet that have developed so that makes them a little less alarming.   I go every week now until d-day!  As ready as I am I can hardly believe how quickly this time has passed, I have been warned that time will come to a screeching halt at any moment.   I hope not.

Thoughts at 36 weeks

“I smell Oreos, Christina?”   I swear to you this was just spoken by a co-worker passing by.   I laughed but no I am not eating oreos.  My attitude has come a LONG way since the early days when my daily intake was so closely monitored.  This is just one of the many changes I have noticed in myself in the past 9 months.  I’m less critical of myself and of others, I drive a little safer, Mike’s jokes cause me to scold him at times and he has noticed, he even accused me of going soft.  He is right, this baby isn’t here yet but he has changed me already.  Learning to laugh at myself a little more is a gift!  I have pigged out at work a few times and you know what, who cares?  If someone is going to make a joke about it, I don’t take it to heart I just laugh. Yup, I took two doughnuts. Who has to decide between jelly and chocolate?  Maybe it is funny to see a previously thin woman pork out and loose sight of her feet?   Whatever the reason I can handle it.  Food is good, I’m having a baby and I can go on a diet in just a few weeks.

My mood is still on the stable side, thank goodness.  My weekend was very productive in both housework and rest.  One day for each, though my body would appreciate if I did more of a half and half.  I really did overdo it on Saturday but it felt so good to get the house super clean! I cleaned windows and walls (you have to wash your walls when you have a bulldog) I was on my hands and knees for over an hour with a spray bottle of cleaner in one hand and a scrub brush in the other, cleaning the grout of the kitchen floor.  It looks fantastic but holy crap I could hardly move a few hours later.  I call bs on nesting! I think it’s more to do with the influx of family members who will see the bottom of your refrigerator than getting the house ready for baby.

The baby stuff is ready, everything is washed and put away, organized and where I think it belongs for now.  The only thing to do for him is install his car seat and pack a few things for the hospital.   The tour guide this weekend advised that the seat be installed in your 36th week, that is this week!  I don’t know when we will do it, seems like a big deal to drive around with a car seat.  Granted it needs doing before his arrival.  Speaking of which, I’m just one week from “full term” meaning the bun is done people!  The rest of his time spent with me will be for him to put on a little more weight and to make sure he has fully explored each and every one of my internal organs with his feet!

The hospital tour was almost fun!  I was a little nervous on the way there; afraid of what I may see and getting even more worried about what could go wrong but it wasn’t like that at all. They talked to us about all sorts of things, one of which was what to do if you go into labor on game day.  I’m delivering at OSU hospital, its one block from the football stadium “the shoe” this kid had better not want out on game day is all I’m saying!  The exits are all blocked and most of the parking is for fans and not available for patients. Nice eh?   Football is the religion here but that’s a whole other post!  You would be better off calling an ambulance to deal with the mess than to try on your own. We went over the whole process of what to do and where to go, they have a room called “patient nourishment center” inside, a ice machine and cups.  The labor and delivery suites are awesome.  Very large and dimly lit and what felt like a pretty soothing environment.  As soon as we walked in I saw the baby warmer and started to get overwhelmed.  There were a few times while we were in that room that I started to well up with excitement rather than nerves like at the birthing class.  The post-par. rooms are less exciting than the L&D ones, about 1/3 the size and more like an economy hotel with an adjustable bed.  We did get to stop by each of the two nurseries and one was completely empty, the other had ONE baby. I don’t remember much of what we were told at that point, I was too busy watching the sleeping burrito to hear much at all.

That was the last thing to do to get ready for this little one.  No more classes, no more shopping, were done.  Four weeks to go, four more weeks to eat up every hiccup, punch in the bladder, kick in the rib, four weeks to keep him safe, warm and fed just by existing. If only he knew how good he has it, he’d eat up the next four weeks too.  If only he knew just how anxious we are to have him how many people already love him, maybe he’d rather come out?

Back on track

I’m feeling much better!  I doubt it is the end of the mood sings but today I feel like myself.  My sleeping is off and on some nights are good others are not, as long as there are a few nights of sleep a week I am okay.   My excitement is back in full swing.  Each evening this week I have spent time doing something in his room, putting together the bouncy seat and the swing.  Getting his clothes together for his hospital bag, little stuff like that.  Something about having the baby stuff migrate to other areas of the house has me suddenly very aware of how little time we have left!  The car seat is in the den, the bouncy seat in our bedroom.  Until now everything has been in his room, so having it in other places is a constant reminder and I love it

I’m not sure how I will spend my weekend.  I have so many little things to do, wash his tiny clothes and bedding and bottles.  I need to take his bathroom back and give Mr. Milo the boot, moving him to the basement.  Then move his supplies in.  I also have some things to do before our first guests.  Some of it fun.  I need to toss the summer flowers in the pots on the porch and get some mums and pumpkins, and other little spruce up things so everything looks nice, you know, for the last time ever!  I have lots to choose from and as my middle is growing bigger each week I’ve got to get crackin because everything is getting farther and father out of reach and I am running out of weekends (4!  Just 4).  As long as my mood and energy are as good as they are today it will be great.  I’m right back in to the excitement of getting ready.  A welcome change from the mopey state I was stuck in for the better part of the week.

I’m looking forward to the hospital tour on Sunday… I think.  I wonder if like the birthing class it will make me nervous?  I have to say that I think the rules are off a bit.  Your not “allowed” to sign up for this tour until you have 6 weeks or less remaining in your pregnancy. Okay, that’s fine.  I call, get signed up and the info packet comes in the mail.  It’s a 2-hour, walking tour. 9 months pregnant, 2 hours on my feet?  Nice, can’t you see the group of us waddling around with our wide-eyed partners trailing behind?  Funny to picture, not so funny for the waddlers.  I will be sure we stop by the nursery to peak at the little ones all pink and squishy.  I’m sure that will help me forget about my barking dogs and fear of the unknown during labor, at least for a few minutes.  Note to self:  Pack tissue!

Edit: Its Saturday morning now and I am feeling great.  baby’s clothes are already washing.  Looks like I have about 4 loads now that its all sorted out.  Thats a lot of baby clothes!  I have also noticed that 80% of his pants are baby blue.

uneasy

I had an odd weekend.  Just felt in a funk that I couldn’t really shake.  After I got home from shopping on Saturday I took a 3 hour nap!  Normally I’m out for about 30-45 minutes and I’m ready to go again.  3 hours!  Just not right.  I didn’t get much done around the house either, I have turned into a lump on a log.  A moody, irrational roller coaster mess of emotion lump on a log.

This morning I still felt it so I stopped and grabbed a tea on the way into work and resolved to shake it.   After I did I realized what it was that was eating away at me.  I didn’t really get anything out of our birthing class and it left me pretty disappointed.  Mostly I felt down about the whole idea of the day the baby is born.  Not the arrival but the labor and delivery process.  I realized that I wanted something you cannot  have, I wanted to come out of the class thinking that everything will go great.  That I will get thru it unmedicated, that  I won’t be a blubbering mess, that I will not need assistance via a vacuum or any special monitoring.   My expectations were unreasonable so I left upset.  Afterward Mike and I went out for brunch and discussed the class.  He didn’t feel he had learned anything since I pretty much spew this stuff constantly and he actually listens with intrest.   He did however say he felt more comfortable with the whole process and that he felt he could let himself get excited now, rather than be nervous.  That was worth the cost of the class alone.  Funny thing is, I thought I would be the one more comfortable and he a mess afterward and it was the opposite.   About an hour had passed since this all dawned on me today and I realized I was already over it.  I know that the birth is unpredictable and had accepted that prior to this class.  I was just in a mood.

 Moods are a major thing right now.   I feel like a 13 year old most of the time (but with better skin) I fly off the handle in an instant.  Good and bad, I’m overreacting all day long.  I am wearing myself out.  Mike too, bless him hes trying to stay level with me.  It’s all over things that are pretty unimportant too which in turn annoys the hell out of me.  I am being way to hard on myself.  So what I didnt vacuum this weekend, or finish my thank you notes or any of the other little things I had planned on.  I need to relax physically and mentally.  I’m trying, I’m just doing much better with the physical part! 

Work is absolutely draining me which is sort of adding to my self induced stress.  Tim is doing very well with his training but I’m really struggling with getting my real work done and preparing for his next task all at the same time.   He leaves 30 minutes before I do so I have about that much time to hustle.   That said he is doing a good job and we are working together really well.  The hearsay was correct he didn’t have any prior experience but he is bright enough to be taught plus he is personal friends with our manager so I think that is helping him to care how well he does.  One thing I’m getting a kick out of is how uncomfortable my pregnancy makes him.  He is camped out in my office at a small table but he cant see me when he is working, he freaks out every time I have a heavy sigh or if I drop something and let a little grunt when I bend to get it.  He perks up with bright eyes that just scream OMG IS IT TIME?   He told me he’s taking a ridiculous amount of notes, which I had noticed, because “that thing could drop at any minute.”  I assured him we have plenty of time.  Poor guy!  I hope for his sake my water doesn’t break at work, I think he will have a panic attack.    So with all of this, I’m worrying myself that I’m falling behind which I simply don’t have time for.

 I’m just worrying about anything and everything right now…I hope it passes but I have a feeling that I won’t feel back to my normal emotional self for about 18-20 years.

checkin’ it twice

Well, it’s done.  The shopping is complete.  There are two items remaining on the list and they will be ordered on line later today.  Do I feel better?  No, of course not.  I just have more stuff and about 5 sheets of paper with scribbled notes and checked off items that I cant throw away yet, for some odd reason.   I am glad that I have most everything, though one item is a doosey and has been promised as a gift so I am worrying about having it in time.  It being the car seat.  *takes a deep breath-tis not a big deal*

Life at 34+ weeks pregnant is interesting.  One thing that has started is this annoying crying at the drop of a hat business.  Happy=Cry. Mad=Cry.  Little boy makes eye contact with you while driving = CRY!  I’m so over it but I can’t stop it either.  I’m not even making any excuses.  Apparently this is beyond my control.  Another thing I’m trying to get used to is the extreme appetite.  I am hungry much more often now that ever.  I sit down to eat and have room for approximately 8 bites of food.  I cant eat more, I will be sick yet I’m still starving!  I imagine this is what it feels like to have gastric bypass?  Its awful!   There is just no room for food.   This is good in the weight gain area,  I’ve only been putting one lb per week for about 6 weeks now and the dr said it will likely stop all together very soon.  That’s good news since I packed quite a bit on in the 2nd trimester.

 Speaking of Dr’s… I now have one at my practice that I hate!   Okay, it’s not his fault actually.  When I went in for my check up this week he had the nerve to mention something that you never want to hear.  “Pretty sizable head”  Yeah, that’s fantastic doc.  He then said that it’s no big deal (HE! of course HE wouldn’t think so) that his kids have big heads and his wife had 3 c-sections and she is fine.  “We’ll get him out one way or another!”  Okay at this point I’m damn near hyperventilating!  How big are we talking, and do I even want to know?  (just two weeks ago my midwife was saying he felt small!) How big does a head have to be to require a c-section?  I was breach for crying out loud and my mom still had me naturally.  Well, now that I’m all worked up again…..  I’m trying not to put to much stock into any of that.  After all its just an estimate, we didn’t see it in an ultrasound or anything.   We all will have to stay tuned for the continuation on Nugget and the Giant Head Peach.  The rest of the check up was uneventful,  pretty much the same info week after week.  We’re in the no news is good news phase.

Tomorrow morning we head off to the hospital for our birthing class.   I’m looking forward to it but Im a little nervous for it at the same time.  The following weekend we tour the hospital and then thats it.. then we wait.  What will I do when there is nothing left to do, no more lists, just me and my belly waiting….. I don’t do waiting! HA!

 The belly in all of its glory.

deer in the headlights picture of my new hair cut

I promise to update after the class…